A Little to Late

[Marissa Michelle Manning]

No one just could not possibly understand what she was going through. She was purposely pushing everyone she knew away from her. Marissa had convinced herself that she was not worthy of anyone’s love. Maybe that was why she was hanging on so tightly to her love for Matt. Because she can tell he does not love her like he had. She knows that deep down. But could she blame him either? She does not care how Matt treats her. Doesn’t care if he were to use her or abuse her. She would gladly take a hit. At least then he would be acknowledging she was there, that it was her own fault. In Marissa’s own mind, being hit, beaten, would be better than being ignored. No one knew that she was punishing herself as well. The cuts on her arms, wrists. But she always made sure to keep those hidden from others. They just would not understand. And they probably would force her to stop. Even though she did not want to.

Marissa had already pushed away her friends. Hannah, Jenna. She did not deserve to have them as friends. She did not even deserve life itself. No one could make her think otherwise. She was skipping school, coming in after curfew even though no one probably even paid attention. But things were steadily going downhill. This time Marissa had not been home in three days. She just could not. Like who would really miss her. Obviously, her brother did not need her or so she thought. He was better off without her. She was a pathetic excuse for a sister, a daughter, friend, and yes, girlfriend, too. She was nothing more than a loser.

Marissa had not even gone to school the last couple of days. She had spent hours in the park or hiding in the alley, away from people she could possibly run into that knew who she was. It was beginning to get dark and Marissa wondered the streets of Toronto. She wanted to be away from her life. She wanted her pain to go away. She held a bottle of vodka in her left hand as she turned the corner. It was getting so dark out. Marissa had not been home in three days and she highly doubted that her dad even noticed her absence. He was probably too busy with his fans or his music or sleeping with women. Whatever. She did not need her dad. She did not need anybody. And she just could not face her little brother. She had to face it. She was a horrible sister. He didn’t need her screwing up his life any more than she already had. She had been drinking practically none stop these last three days, just wanting to numb the pain that she was in. And it really did seem to help. At least for a while. Shaking her head, Marissa sat on an empty bench on some street corner at some bus stop. She held onto the bottle so tightly that her knuckles began to go white. She pulled out the razor from her pocket as she took another drink from her bottle. She stared at it, lost in her own thoughts. Completely oblivious to her own surroundings.

[Deleted]

There was so much to do. Being in the hospital put Larisa far behind schedule. The kids did their best, but there was no way they could handle all of her business. None of them knew that she was trying to get a new house. She didn't want to say anything until she had told Johnny. She never gave any choice when it came to the kids. He deserved to be the first to know about the house. Unfortunately, her time in the hospital had taken her out the lineup to get the house she had her eye on. But after a long day of shopping, she had found it. The perfect house. It needed a little paint job, just now maybe some repairs. But it was big enough for there to be two kids to a bedroom. Johnny would even get a man-cave. She knew that would mean everything to her husband.

She had gotten so excited that she started to call Johnny right then. As she put the phone to her ear, though, she caught a glimpse of a girl she hadn't seen in a very long time. If it wasn't for the alcohol in her hand, she wouldn't have said anything. But the teenager had alcohol. And as she stepped closer, she saw the razor. Clearly, she was in pain. Not that it wasn't normal. She had lost her mother. And the way Emma died was not normal in the least. Larisa looked around. Where was her dad? Did Craig not know what was going on? Larisa had known that the girl was sick. As often as Larisa had been to Degrassi, she had ample opportunity to notice the other children, and she had. Especially Marissa. Without a second thought, she knew she would have to do something. Marissa would be going home with her.

Larisa knew that it wouldn't be easy. If put in Marissa's control, she wouldn't go easily. There was just one way to handle it. And it meant using the acting skills she had developed as a homeless kid. Gasping, she opened her phone and put it to her ear. ''There you are! We have been looking all over for you!'' She paused for a second. ''Craig! Craig, I found her. Ok. I can do that.'' she hung up and looked at the girl. ‘‘Your dad says to take you to the house. You won't be needing this'' she took the bottle and put it in a trash can. ''Why'd you take off, Marissa? We've been worried sick. I'm just so glad you're ok. It's not safe for a young girl'' She pulled her in her arms and rubbed her back. ''But you're safe with me now.”