From Now Until the End

[Megan Julia Del Rossi]

Matt;

This might just very well be the hardest thing I have ever had to write. In my entire life. When I learned about your little deal with Jack, you have to understand. I never meant to hurt you with those words I said. I was feeling hurt. Maybe I just wanted to hurt you, to make you hurt as much as I was. You were my brother. I looked up to you, Mattie. And you hurt me and used me. You made me scared of you. And I felt so alone. It was like we weren’t family anymore. And I got scared when you told me. It was too much. Maybe that is partly why I won’t forgive you, why I have been a jerk. Because if we talk, I would have to admit the truth.

It’s all my fault, though. And I am ready to except that. You don’t have to try to get me to forgive you again. I do. I always had. But forgiving you meant accepting all I had done, had said. You don’t need to come back here. Maybe I am the one who should be apologizing. I was the jerk. I did everything wrong. Nothing I did was ever right. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for letting Jack into our lives, for messing everything up. I’m sorry for what I said and that I was not there for you. I’m sorry for screwing up my life, for not protecting us from Jack, Jonathon. I should know better now. I’m sorry for the multiple suicide attempts, for ending up here. I’m sorry for allowing that man to get me pregnant. I’m sorry for ruining my life, my families’ lives.

I just needed to get my feelings out’. So don’t worry, Mattie. You don’t have to waste your time coming back here. I’m sorry.

That was the letter that she had written to her brother just days before. She had asked her dad to give it to him for her. She felt the need to apologize. Megan felt like she had completely messed everything up. She was still convinced that maybe her family would have been okay if she had never gotten involved with Jack in the first place. And it was because of Jack, of her father, of Jonathon that she was stuck in a place like this now. She had calmed down, though. Her aggression wasn’t as bad. Though, now Megan had allowed herself to grow extremely depressed.

After her one-on-one therapy session, she went to lunch. And then she went into her room. Megan was glad that her roommate was not in there at the time. Yeah, she had calmed down enough that they thought it was safe to give her a roommate. She sat down on her bed and sighed, sadly. She looked around the room. God, how much she just wished that she was back home. Megan grabbed her sketchbook from the end table. That was something she had taken up since ending up in the mental hospital. The ones in the beginning of the book were rather morbid. Murder, death, stuff like that. Now she was getting to sketching less morbid things. Like sketching her family. Right now, she was sketching a picture of Matt. Her second one of him. Maybe because she felt so guilty for how she had treated him lately. He was just on her mind a lot lately.

[Deleted]

Matt had read the letter three times before he set it down. Part of him was relieved that she didn't hate him. Now if he could just make things right with Hayleigh and Jason. Then he would have his family back. That meant the world to Matt, especially since he didn't have any friends. He had destroyed everything with the stupid drugs. And just when he had sobered up, he relapsed during a camping trip. And that wrecked things even more. The only one outside of the family that he managed to make things right with was Mallory, and man was she loud. For such a dweeb, she really had balls. She forgave him, but with conditions. So, when, after he tried to return his sister's letter countless times, he decided to just go to see Megan, he wound up dragging the dweeb along. Well, at least he didn't have to take the bus. Mal had her permit and despite not being physically able to drive anymore, Matt did have a license. So by following through with his agreement, he at least got a ride.

They entered the hospital, Mallory holding a chocolate cake that she had made herself, and Matt's sketch pad on his lap. Once they signed in, Mal stood in the hallway, waiting for Matt to beckon her. He rolled in the room and put his hand up. ''Please, don't. Just let me get this out. I wasn't coming here to get forgiveness. I mean, I was. But not just for that. Megan, you are my sister. Sure, it's only been five years, but that doesn't mean anything. We are family. And nothing is going to change that. And being here can't be easy. I love you. I want to be here, to support you and help you. And the whole Jack thing? He was popular, Megan. He would have gotten to us, even if you WEREN'T dating him. Face it, Megan. It's not your fault. Stop trying to keep the blame. It's that psycho. If he wasn't, then you dating him would never have led to this. And between us, dad doesn't know everything. He thinks he does, and he will try to make you think he does. But he really doesn't.''

[Megan Julia Del Rossi]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 444px; background-image: url(http://i758.photobucket.com/albums/xx223/ka7raelizabeth/2m30orn-2.png); border-top: #470d71 solid 12px; border-bottom: #470d71 solid 12px; width: 457px; padding-top: 10; padding-bottom: 10;] Maybe what Matt was saying to her was something that she needed to hear. Megan did not interrupt her brother as he spoke. He was right. About everything. Megan knew all of that on some level. Closing her sketchbook, Megan set it on her nightstand and looked over at her brother. Even after he was done talking, she did not talk right away. Megan wanted to take a moment to think about what she wanted to say. “You’re right, Matt. Absolutely right.” Megan swallowed. “I—I—I’m sorry.” She looked up at him as tears threatened to fall. She did that a lot lately. Cry. She just wanted to go home. She wanted her daddies. “I—I was just scared. I was scared that I would lose you. I don’t want to lose you. Do you forgive me since I forgave you?” Obviously he had read the letter that she had sent. She just did not expect him to actually show us here. He had every reason too still be upset. Didn’t he? She thought so. But she still felt like she needed to apologize now that he was here in her hospital room. “You know, I am scared. I—I didn’t want to die. Not really. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted it all to stop. And I am so sorry if I hurt anyone in the process. But you know what?” She reached over to her nightstand, opening the draw and pulling out a sonogram. She scooted to the edge of the bed and set it on his lap, pointing at what should be the baby. “It’s a girl, Mattie. I’m gonna have a little girl. And I have the perfect name for her. Her name’s going to be Hannah. Just like her aunt.” She gave a sincere smile. “But don’t tell Hannah. Not yet.”

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[Deleted]

Matt smiled a little. "You'll never lose me. No matter what." And it was true. He understood her need for it to all go away. That was what got him into heroin. When really, he should have gone to their parents. And so should she. But they didn't. They chose to believe the thinking that Jack drilled into their brains. That he could get to them if they talked, and there was nothing that anybody could do about it. He had controlled them more than he ever knew. "We were manipulated by him. Both of us." Jack led him to hit the only girl who ever loved him. He thought about that, every day.

As far as forgiving her went, he chuckled and reached over, giving her a noogie. "I forgave you a long time ago. That's what brothers are for. Dorkface." It felt good to be calling her normal names like that. It made him feel like life was returning to normal, even if that was the furthest thing from the truth. It gave him hope that someday, things would return to normal. He saw a semblance of a life that they had once known. Even with Jack gone. The chicken shit bitch cut up his dad and then ran. Nobody deserved that. But especially not his dad. Marco was the reason he was doing so much better. Well, slightly better. He didn't tell Megan that he had heroin on him. She wouldn't understand. Their dad was in the hospital! He blinked as she showed him the sonogram and smiled as best he could. "That's great, Meg. Hannah will love it." Did he sound distracted? He hoped not.

He shook his head and backed up the chair. "I have a surprise for you. Come on in," he called as Mallory stepped inside the room, a big smile on her face.

It had been so long! Mal hated that she had turned sixteen and her best friend wasn't even there for it! "I thought I'd share some cake from my party. Chocolate, of course. Want some?" she eagerly went to the bed and sat at the end of it, holding out the plate and the three forks, one for each of them. She reached out and gave her friend's hand a squeeze. "You look good. And JJ was asking about you. Looks like you're a little heartbreaker, you naughty girl," she said with a giggle, folding her legs to sit Indian style on the bed. God, it had been so long. And with her dad's death...she needed this. More than Megan could ever know. Because she knew she couldn't tell her. She wished she could. But for now, Mal was cheering herself up with some vitamin Megan.

And, who cared if she was hurting anyway, right? Megan's dad made that perfectly clear. He had told her that she would regret it if she told his daughter what had happened. So she went on a camping trip and came home to crime scene tape and a dead father? So what if he had a mark behind his ear, just as all the other Sniper victims? So what if she was stuck with a mom who was still learning how to be a parent let alone know how to deal with a kid who had just lost her father? And should she even care? Her dad was never there. Never! So why was his death such a big deal that she wished Marissa was around? It shouldn't matter. It didn't matter. None of her feelings mattered. So she was going to slap on a smile, even if it was plastic and hang out with her best friend whom she was lying to. She could do this...she hoped.

[Megan Julia Del Rossi]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 444px; background-image: url(http://i758.photobucket.com/albums/xx223/ka7raelizabeth/2m30orn-2.png); border-top: #470d71 solid 12px; border-bottom: #470d71 solid 12px; width: 457px; padding-top: 10; padding-bottom: 10;] Mallory. It felt like a lifetime since she had even seen or talked to her best friends. In fact, it had been so long, Megan wondered at times if the two were even still best friends forever. After all the two had done to one another. What about what she had said to Nolan about her friend that day at the school when she wouldn’t come with her to see Jonathon? She only said it because she was sure Mallory would hear her. She thought at the time that it was for the best. To get her best friend to hate her. She did not want to see Mallory hurt in the end. At the time, she really had thought that it was for the best. All she was trying to do was protect her friends, her family. And she believed EVERYTHING Jack told her. EVERYTHING. She was stupid and she risked everyone’s lives. Everyday, she thought about those words she spoke to Matt when she found out about his deal with Jack. “You know what, Matt? You deserve to die. I hope he makes it nice and slow for you. I hope he enjoys taking his time. And I hope never to say your fucking face again. You are nothing more than a pathetic jackass.” She cringed at those words. How could she have been so cold? So heartless? How could Matt forgive her for the words that she had spoken to him when she could not even forgive herself? “He asked about me?” She asked, turning her focus on her best friend as she had given Megan’s hand a squeeze. Yeah. Guess she was looking much better now. Luckily Mallory had not seen her before. The way she looked, acted. One time, Megan went on and on about how it was all her fault. How she just could not take it anymore. That she had to get rid of him before anything could happen. That she had to kill Jonathon. So she shot him. Said he was in a coma. This was what she told the doctors, told her daddy. She even drew a picture of her shooting Jonathon. She had made herself believe that this had been reality. That she had actually tried taking a human life. And it messed her up in so many ways. But when a few calls were made, it was found out that Jonathon was still in jail, unharmed. Megan had not understood. She was sure that it was reality. That it had actually happened. How could it seem real, but be so unreal? She had been such a pathetic mess when she had first arrived in this place. But she was doing a lot better. She was not all the way there yet, but she was getting there at least. “What-what did he say?”

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[Deleted]

Matt looked down when she looked at him. He knew he was lying to her. Fuck. He could forgive a lot of things. But that one thing she said to him? Never left his mind. Never. They haunted him every night when he lay there, trying to sleep. She meant it. Deep down, in the recesses of his mind, he knew that she meant every word. She had really wanted him to die. He had been nine short hours away from following through with the deal when Jack was caught. She had to have been disappointed in that news. Especially when she heard who it was he had been caught murdering. Natasha. Sweet, naive Natasha who never deserved any of it. As Megan said, he did. And now, his dad had been on the line. It should have been him. It should always have been him.

He rolled his eyes as the girls started gossiping. He knew it was harmless girl talk. But JJ? The two hated each other. He watched them for a moment before backing out of the room. He turned the chair around and followed the signs to the restroom. Once inside, he pulled out his syringe, already filled with heroin. Matt gave it a long, hard stare before injecting it underneath his fingernails. Nobody would think to look for track marks there. God, that felt good. Fuck. He had missed this.

Mallory smiled as her friend squeezed her hand. She looked at her for a moment, pausing to fight the tears that threatened to fall. "H-he" she cleared her throat, regaining control of herself. "He's stuck on crutches now. You probably didn't hear, huh? He messed up his leg really badly. He got into this motorcycle accident right after you came here, and he had this audition I guess? Anyway, he took some steroids and did the audition anyway and really messed up his leg. So I felt bad for the guy and he's always been a jerk to me, but he was on crutches. So I invited him to my sweet sixteen. And he came. Didn't spend the entire time feeling sorry for himself. Just some of the time. And at one point, he asked me if I've seen you. He started crying and said that he wished you were there cause he feels so lost. I guess his entire plan for the future got messed up with his leg. He doesn't know what to do with himself now that he's graduated without a plan."

She bit her lip and stood up, looking around. Where had Matt gone? She shrugged. This was a perfect time. Turning to face her, she smiled. "So I decided that you two need to see each other. And you know, I've been volunteering as a candy striper here. So I have a plan." She grinned and pulled off her backpack, pulling her candy striper uniform and tossing it to her. "Put it on. I drove here, I can drive you right back. I turned sixteen, and my birthday wish is that my best friend go on a date. Besides, you've been cooped up for some long. Trust me, Meg. You need this." This just called for trouble. And she knew once Ben found out who was responsible, her mother would be called. But with not being able to grieve over her dad, she had a lot of emotions bottled up. She needed to do something drastic, something reckless. And busting her friend out of this place was the best she could come up with.