suicide is always the answer

[Megan Julia Del Rossi]

Megan left the voicemail for Augusta the night before. She was ready to do this. To end her life. After what Jonathon had said to her the day before, she just could not take any of this anymore. Always be inside of you. Those words would not leave her mind. They just stayed there, echoing. Over and over again. No! She could not let that happen. Just could not. This was it. It was time to end her life. That much, Megan knew of. And she would do it with the person she had gotten rather close to. Augusta Stone. Someone she thought of as her new best friend. She understood how it felt to want to die. Always inside of you! God! Why couldn't that voice just shut up already! But he was right. He was absolutely right. He would always be inside of her now. Because she was carrying his baby. She would always carry Jonathon with her from this day on. But she never planned on doing so. Because she did not plan to make it past noon. And if she did not jump, how could she possibly live with this? Everytime she held her son... or daughter for that matter... she would always picture him. Was that something that she was really willing to live with?

And how could JJ ever possibly love her when she was carrying another man's child? Wasn't Jonathon right? Wasn't he always right? Your father would be very angry with you if he found out that you tried to seduce his boyfriend. Seduce! Is that what she had done? Had she really been asking for it all along? Isn't that what she always had done? Always asked for it in some way or another? Megan wanted to die. Since the night Jack almost killed her. Megan had wished that Mallory had never come for her. She wished that she had died that night. After all, isn't that exactly what she deserved? She was a horrible daughter, sister, girlfriend, best friend... Shayne was right. Everyone was right about her. She was trash. And that was all that she would ever be. To anyone that she ever met. As much as Megan loved Mallory, her best friend, she resented Mallory for saving her life.

Megan got out of bed, knowing that her days were finally about to reach their end. As soon as Megan opened her eyes, she saw Alice's face. She looked so happy, so excited. But Megan could not deal with her right now. “Alice... Uhm-Hi. Listen-” But the girl just kept on talking. Honestly, Megan could not help but like the girl. She was a sweetie pie. She sat up in her bed and slid her feet over the egde. She just let Alice keep on chit chatting as she started getting dressed and grabbing the things that she needed to finish her job. Finally grabbing her laptop and shoving it into her bag, she then turned to Alice. “Hey. I'm really sorry to do this. But I promised someone that I would come over and help them out. For a little extra cash you know. But feel free to stay in my closet if you'd like. Or you can even chill on my bed if you don't want to be in the closet. Oh, here...” She walked over to the radio and turned on her favorite station. “Listen to some music while I'm gone. Okay? Sorry. I don't have a TV in here. But I promise we can hang when I get home.” And with that she walked out of her room, knowing that she would never get the chance to ever come back home again. And it did actually make her a bit sad. She liked Alice. She wanted to get to know the clone that looked like her own sister. But this was just something that she had to do.

Eleven o'clock. She told Augusta to meet her on the school roof at that time. She looked down at her watch. It was now 10:25. perfect. Thirty-five minutes left.That should give Megan just enough time to head on up to the roof, to send this email out to everyone in her classes. They needed to know, to understand, why she was doing this and that she really did love them. Though, she knew that Jack was still in her contacts. And in a messed up way, Megan wanted him to know exactly what she was feeling, why she was ending this. Wanted him to know that he wins. And she did not care that he knew this. Any of this. She knew that he would be grinning from ear to ear when he found this out.

Megan snuck past the front office and headed straight for the roof. She sat down and pulled out her laptop and immediately opened it. And went straight into her email.

People to Whom It May Concern:
So, it looks as though this is finally the end for me. I know I have screwed up. So much this past year. For that I am truly sorry. I can't handle all of this though. Being pregnant. With Jonathon's kid. Always inside of you. God! That will not leave my head. Seeing Jonathon at the jail yesterday... just had it to the list of screw-ups that I have made this past year. A picture! He has a picture of me! He thinks about me. I can't, I just can't do this anymore. So by the time that you read this, that you find me, it will be too late. I will be gone. And don't worry. I won't screw up any of your lives. Ever again. Please forgive me. I just want to die. I guess that the Sniper wins after all. I guess that he truly did kill me that night. Nd now there is a body that can be added to the list of Sniper victims. I hope that one day you will forgive me. I do love you. Very much. And goodbye.
Megan J. Del Rossi

She paused for a moment before finally hitting the send button. “This is it.” She muttered to herself. She put her laptop away and pulled the switchblade out of her backpack. And then she slowly got to her feet. Swallowing, she placed a gentle hand on her stomach. “I'm so sorry. Mommy is sorry. Please forgive me.” she whispered. “This is for the best. For everyone.” She looked down at her watch. Almost eleven. Almost time.

words; 1097
muse; muse level here
notes; blah blah blah
tags; Augusta
outfit; wearing
lyrics; all alright - fun.
credits; template by twilightbright @ caution

[Deleted]

Leaving the room was against the rules. But both men were gone. They both left in different cars, which meant there was nobody here to catch her. Hannah was already gone, so Alice sat in her windowsill, watching the second car pull out before opening the door. She was so excited. She found a book! She had no idea it was her twin's journal. All she knew was that it was a book she wanted to read. There was only one person home who could help. Megan! Her favorite person. So, once the coast was clear, she rushed to the room and sat on her bed, holding it.

Once Megan was awake, she couldn't stop talking. She just loved Megan. Alice decided that Megan was--what was the word Hannah had used? Bestie? Definitely. Jessa was her mother. Hannah was her sister. Megan was her bestie. And she informed Megan of this, though the girl didn't seem to hear a lot of what she said. But Alice didn't care. And then it was said that Megan had to leave. ''Can I go-'' she was being told to listen to music. She immediately got quiet and obeyed. They could always talk again when Megan got home. Alice hugged her legs, rocking happily, until a voice from the box that was turned on said he saw her. Knew where she was. She didn't understand it was just lyrics. With a yelp, she grabbed it and threw it, watching as it went out the open window. When she rushed to the window, it was on the ground in pieces. Uhoh. What if Jessa found out?

Dear Mama,
I KNOW BY NOW THE THINGS I HAVE DONE ARE UNFORGIVEABLE. I HAVE TAKEN YOUR LOVE, YOUR TRUST AND SHATTERED IT. I CAN LIE AND BLAME IT ALL ON DUSTIN, ON ALI. BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH. IT WAS ALL MY FAULT. SLEEPING WITH DUSTIN, GETTING HEPATITIS, THE PICTURES. EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME WAS ALL MY OWN DOING. AND I'M SURE BY NOW YOU WISH THAT YOU ONLY HAD ALEXIS ON CHRISTMAS EVE. I'M GLAD YOU HAVE DALTON BACK. AT LEAST YOU HAVE SOMEONE WHO WON'T HURT YOU LIKE I HAVE. I KNOW THAT IF I DISOBEY ANY MORE, IF I MAKE ANY MORE MISTAKES, THEN I WILL LOSE YOU FOREVER. SO BEFORE IT GETS TO THAT POINT, I HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN GIVE YOU PEACE. I DON'T DESERVE TO BE YOUR DAUGHTER. AND NOW, YOU WON'T EVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME AGAIN. BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS, I WILL BE GONE. I WON'T BOTHER YOU WITH ANY MORE DETAILS. I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH ME ANYMORE. I JUST HOPE THAT YOU CAN FORGIVE ME. I AM GIVING MYSELF THE PUNISHMENT I DESERVE. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW SORRY I AM FOR EVERYTHING, AND HOW MUCH I DO LOVE YOU, EVEN THOUGH YOU STOPPED LOVING ME LONG AGO.
--Augusta

Augusta had skipped her classes, sitting in the zen garden instead. She finished the letter and slipped it in the envelope, writing MOM on the back. With that, she checked the time. 10:50. She had ten minutes. With the little time she had left, she went to the office. ''I need to put this on mom's desk.'' she held up the letter.

''She's in a meeting. I'll give it to her later, Alexis. Go on back to class.”

''Augusta. But whatever.'' She made her way to the roof. The last time she was up here, she was making out topless. That seemed so long ago. She looked at her friend. ''Hey. I'm almost ready.'' Reaching in her sweater pocket, she pulled out her bottle of sleeping pills and downed all fifteen of them. She nodded and reached for her hand, stepping to the edge. Augusta Stone would soon be no more.

WORDS: 653
TAG: Megan
NOTES: I’ve lost who I am.
LYRICS: Florence + The Machine; Cosmic Love.
TEMPLATE CREDITS: TOMOLONIS of Caution 2.0!

[Megan Julia Del Rossi]

Holding on tightly to her switchblade, she placed it to her left wrist. This was it. She was going to die. Finally get what she deserved is what she truly believed in. She ran it across her skin, breaking the skin, cutting deeply. Oing as far as cutting her vein. Unintentional, but she could car less. Then she repeated the process on her right wrist. And when Megan was finally done was when the door to the roof opened, causing her to jump slightly. She dropped her knife and finally turned to Augusta. Blood dripping from both of her wrists. She watched as Augusta took the bottle of pills. “I'm ready.” she spoke, her voice shook ever so slightly, but she tried to ignore that, fighting tears from brimming her eyes. She reached for Augusta's hand, some of her own blood dripping down and onto Augusta's hand. “Let's do this. Together.” she whispered, stepping onto the ledge with her friend.

It had been hard lately for Alexis. Ever since the dance. Hell, even before that. When she watched her boyfriend die. Or so she believed at the time. It had been hard at school lately and she felt like she really needed to talk to her mom. So she had gone to the office and up to the desk. “Hey. Is my mom in? I really need to talk to her.”

words; 234
muse; muse level here
notes; blah blah blah
tags; Augusta
outfit; wearing
lyrics; all alright - fun.
credits; template by twilightbright @ caution

[Deleted]

''For the second time, she's in a meeting. But if you're really that anxious, then go ahead and put it on her desk yourself.'' She said, handing her the letter.

Five minutes into the test, and she was already done. The blond frowned. This test was supposed to be hard. At least, that had been Mr. Maxwell's claim. Oh, well. She had the rest of the class period to check her email. As she signed in, Megan's email was the first to pop up. Wow, really? It had been so long since the two had talked. Technically, she was supposed to stay away from her. That was what her dad had said. But hey, he wasn't there. He wouldn't know. Biting her lip, she clicked on it to open it. As she read, her eyes widened. She didn't know who Jonathan was. But she definitely understood the message. Sure, she could be naive at times. But not about this. She had to stop her! Her hand shot up, and acknowledged by Miss Sanderson. ''I'm finished. May I be excused? It's an emergency.'' And not the kind she knew the student teacher was thinking of. As soon as she was given permission, she bolted out the door. She knew where the roof was. JT had taken her there, before he moved. Taking off her hot pink high heels, the blond ran up the stairs as fast as she could. She ran out, in time to see them. ''Megan! Don't. Please don't!'' Natasha begged her. Taking a step closer, she held out a hand. ''Let me help you.''

WORDS: 266
TAG: Megan
NOTES: I’ve lost who I am.
LYRICS: Florence + The Machine; Cosmic Love.
TEMPLATE CREDITS: TOMOLONIS of Caution 2.0!

[Alexis Demi Stone]

God, she hated this. Even after dying her hair a different color, people still mixed the two up. “Excuse me...” she started slightly annoyed. “I'm Alexis. You talked to my sister, Augusta.” Of course she was annoyed. “God, get a fucking clue already. We don't even have the same color hair anymore. Geez.” She rolled her eyes and snatched the envelope from her and started heading towards her mother's office. Curious, she opened the letter and began reading. Her eyes widen. No! No, no, no. She was not about to let her twin sister do this. Turning on her heel, Lexi rushed out of the office and down the hall. She opened the door to the roof, screaming for her sister. She ran up onto the roof, terrified. She did not, no, she could not, loose her sister. “Augusta!” She cried out, looking over at her. “Please...” she begged, the letter finally dropping from her hand. “Please don't do this...” Tears began to fall down her face.

Megan looked back at Natasha, her eyes narrowing. “Get. Out. Of. Here.” she hissed at her cousin. “Stay away from me! Just leave me alone!” she screamed, looking back to the ground below her. “Just wanna die.” she whispered. “Tell your dad that I am sorry for causing any trouble.”

words; 227
muse; muse level here
notes; blah blah blah
tags; Augusta
outfit; wearing
lyrics; all alright - fun.
credits; template by twilightbright @ caution

[Deleted]

Augusta glared at the girl in pink. But her, she could ignore. It was when her twin showed up that she shot the two a cold look. Especially Alexis. What was she even doing there? ''Go back to your life. I'm doing you a favor. You don't want me around. Why else would you dye your hair? I know it's so you can pretend that you're not a twin. Like I don't exist. You're getting your wish. So go away!'' She looked down at the ground. She wanted it over with. She was a masochist. A freak. That was why Ali never touched her. Never slept with her. The only person he ever slept with when they were dating was Summer. Dustin was a different story. He made her feel loved. But she gave in to what her parents wanted and dumped him. She never wanted to. Augusta loved the much older man. And now, where was he? Gone. And nobody got how serious she was about it. All she heard was lectures. How she disappointed them. That's all she would ever be. A huge disappointment.

Natasha was about to speak to Augusta too, when Alexis showed up. Natasha was glad. She didn't know the ex-cheer captain all that well. So, when Alexis started talking, she went up to the ledge and took her hand. ''That was my fault. Not yours. I'm not the dumb blond that everyone thinks I am, Megan. Maybe I'm naive. But I'm not stupid. I get wanting to die. That was all I've wanted for a year now. I may be cheery on the outside, but that was me acting. You know what they say-fake it till you make it. I had a horrible boyfriend back in Malibu. I lied to everyone about being a virgin, because he forced it out of me. You're my girlfriend. If I want sex, you give me sex. That's what he told me. I couldn't tell my parents. Daddy had dead people to worry about. And then it happened again here and nobody knew it except you. Megan, you're the one who helped me. That week in London saved my life. Now, it's my turn to help you. Please don't do this. Stop isolating yourself and I promise you will start to feel better.'' She couldn't do this. Not Megan. Holding the girl's hands with both of hers, she stepped as close as she could without going over. She wasn't going anywhere without her cousin.

WORDS: 416
TAG: Megan/Augusta
NOTES: I’ve lost who I am.
LYRICS: Florence + The Machine; Cosmic Love.
TEMPLATE CREDITS: TOMOLONIS of Caution 2.0!

[Megan Julia Del Rossi]

Alexis wanted to starts crying. Augusta really believed that? But it was the furthest thing from the truth. Lexi loved her sister, loved being a twin. Having someone who was always there for you. Dying her hair had nothing to do with not wanting to be a twin. It had everything to do with hating herself. "No! You,ve Got it all wrong." Tears filled her eyes, beginning to escape.

"Gussy..." God, when was the last time she had called her sister that? She use to all the time growing up. She shook her head. "You are my sister, my other half. How could you think I don't care? My hair? It had nothing to do with you. Not one bit. This change was for me and me alone. Because I began to hate myself. I grew self conscious. I thought it would help me to starts feeling better again. Please, please don't do this, Gussy." she pleaded.

No! Megan did not want this. She did not want this at all. She wanted to die. She needed to die. Craved it, wished for it. She struggled for Natasha to let go. "You can tell your dad he should be happy now. I will never go bear his daughter again." she whimpered out. No one wanted her anyway. She was a stupid, naive little girl. She could disappear and no one would ever notice. Or at least that was how Megan saw it.

"I just don't care anymore!" she yelled. She shook her head. She was beginning to feel dizzy and weak. She looked down at her two bleeding wrists. "Besides, you're too late."

[Deleted]

Augusta shook her head. Was she really wrong? Was it even possible? With everything she had done? "I am so screwed up. Everybody knows it was me who put those pictures on the internet. Everyone knows that I'm sick. It's all my fault. Everything. Me and you? We haven't spoken in so long. Mom can't even look at me. All I do is make things worse. There is just no way anyone could possibly want me." She could not look at her sister. Not because.of what she was about to do. But because she felt dizzy. Disoriented. She grabbed hold of Megan's sleeve. "Come on."

"No!" Natasha took her hand. "It is never too late. We just need a first aid kit. I have one right in my backpack. Just step back, Megan. Everything will be ok. You don't have to do this. You can get help. Nobody wants to see you do this. Nobody. Least of all me. My daddy never blamed you anyways. He blames your dad. Trust me. I wouldn't be here if nobody cared." A warm smile appeared on her face. But at the same time, she slipped one hand in her jacket pocket and called 9-1-1. Megan would thank her later. She was sure of it.