sank when I fell overboard (Marco!)

[Deleted]

This felt unreal. Ben sat in teh car, on his way home. home. He never thought that this would happen. Back when Marco caught him with Jonathan, a little over a month ago, Ben thought that he lost him forever. And while he didn't let it show at first, it had always bothered him. He never planned on walking out on his family. Jonathan was supposed to be a one-night stand. When the possibility of marriage came up, it was one-sided. Ben didn't want to marry him. He didn't want to be apart from Marco. Ben found himself stuck, and he hatedi t. When Jonathan struck him for the first time, he was afraid that he would be stuck forever.

And now, they had a suitcase in the back of the car, and tehy were out of there. Ben was relieved and scared at the same time. Jonathan would be back in three days. What would happen when he found him gone? Ben looked down. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue. He wasn't used to having to worry about what people would do. He was Ben Del Rossi. He wasn't supposed to be afraid of anyone. They were supposed to be afraid of him.

He felt like he had completely failed. He had betrayed his husband and gotten himself in an abusive relationship. Even though Marco had taken him back, he wondered if it wasn't just for the benefit of the kids. He was nervous, sitting in the car alone with Marco. He hadn't even looked at him since he got in the car.

Slowly, his eyes raised to look at him. Just seeing him, knowing they were going home was enough to make him want to cry.

God, Marco now knew things that Ben never wanted him to know. Like shooting himself in the head. His hand now ran across his stubbly-bald head. Ben allowed everyone to think that he decided to start shaving his head--no harm, no foul. Especially since Ben felt like a failure for not dying. When a man sought out to do something, anything less than 100 % success was a dismal failure. It was the attitude that his dad had.

"Marco." His voice sounded distant. What was he supposed to say? Ben was never much of a talker. Everyone he knew could attest to that. When a person screwed up, they received consequences. That was it. But maybe he was learning that it wasn't so cut and dry. Maybe, maybe the two needed to have a calm, heart-to-heart talk. Maybe.

"Take the expressway going west." What was he doing? He knew the kids were expecting them. But, the kids could wait. Looking at his husband, he sighed. "Let's go somewhere. For the night, for the weekend. I don't care. You pick how long we're gone. But we need to be alone. I can't... talk around the kids." The way he emphasized talk, Ben figured Marco would know what he meant. Yes, Ben was asking him to talk things out with him.

[Marco Del Rossi]

The car was too quiet. And even though there was relief in having the man he loved back with him, he still felt more reserved than before. Since the split, a part of him had wanted to be back with him the entire time. But, Marco not only had his pride, but he'd decided years ago that he wasn't going to be the one that crawled back to someone after they cheated on him. The feeling really hadn't changed, except that after years of being with someone, it felt even harder to wrap his head around. While he hadn't let it collapse his entire world, he never got over feeling as though something was missing. His family was broken. And now, it was on its way to being fixed again. And he thought that they could mend it. It wasn't solely for the kids. He didn't think it would have been fair to any of them if he decided to try just for them. They had a role to play, clearly. And if it wasn't for them, he'd probably remain stubborn as ever and not make any moves whatsoever. But, he wasn't going to decide based solely on that. The truth was that he still loved Ben. Nothing had changed that. Even though there had been days where he hoped that it might.

When Ben broke the silence, Marco's eyes stole away from the road for a second to look at him. Although there was a questioning look in his expression, he followed the instructions without much in the way of hesitance. "We'll have to call," Marco reminded him, because they couldn't disappear without a word. Though, the kids were old enough that they could take care of one another for a night or two. It wasn't hard for him to listen, really. Not when he continued on. Marco wasn't sure of everything that could be said. He might have been better at talking, but he wasn't entirely equipped for this situation. "You mean it though? You wanna talk?"

[Deleted]

It wasn't easy for him. He blamed it on his parents, really. They never talked. If he got in trouble, he was punished for it, usually severely. When he came out, he was thrown out of the house. There was no talking involved. So, naturally, whenever Marco used to want to talk to him, he clammed up. He had gotten better, though. Over the last seventeen years, Ben had gone from never talking to being willing to talk a small percentage of the time. It might not have seemed like much to everyone else, but it was huge for the man. He looked at Marco, smiling softly when he didn't turn him down. He nodded, in response to his question . For the first time in his life, he did want to talk. He didn't feel the obligation. He actually wanted to.

"I do. Cause...we gotta make this work. It has to last. You know why?" He took a deep breath. Romance was almost as hard for Ben to handle as talking was. Being open about his feelings was just not something he was well-equipped to do. But he wanted to keep Marco. He intended on winning him over all over again. He would start back on square one, asking him on a date, if he needed to. Whatever it took. "Because, I wake up every morning. And the first thing I want to do is see your face." He blinked, fighting tears. "I love you, Marco. And I intend on proving it to you every day of the foreseeable future."