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Post by Jessa JoAnna Del Rossi on Mar 27, 2012 3:19:54 GMT -8
 when the devil wants to dance with you ,YOU BETTER SAY NEVER[/color][/font] because a dance with the devil might last you forever[/color][/font] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/color][/center][/color][/font]
Jessa's outfit OUTFIT
Revenge. Jessa understood the need for it all too well. Very well. But it was not a good way to think. Too want to seek revenge. It could get you into a lot of trouble. It could get you or somebody else hurt. In ways that no one had ever anticipated. Take February Van Zandt and Carla Nash for instance. Okay, so Jessa had bullied them. She tormented them in ways that just was not like her in the least. And when she had tried to apologize? They only had seeked revenge. And Jessa Del Rossi ended up in the hospital. Again. Ended up having surgery. Again. And she would admit, maybe only to herself, but she had to admit that she was very scared. As if the night of the dance had not been bad enough. That time, this past time...Jessa had strongly believed that she was going to die. But on some level. Some insane, psychotic level, She almost wanted that very fear to come true. She wanted to die. Because she had been a mistake. Because her parents had never wanted her. She wasn't perfect. She was a constant screw-up. She did not deserve to live. To go on with her own sorry life.
Her parents.
The people who had given birth to her. For as long as she could remember, Jessa wanted to find them. She so desperately wanted to meet them. Maybe the very need started when she was just 5-years-old. When she was being teased during her very first year at school. Because she was different. She was quiet, shy. Because she spent the last four and a half years in foster care, being shipped around from home to home. No one ever wanting her. No one ever caring about her. For the same exact reason that she had been rejected by her parents. Because nobody every loved her enough. Nobody. Jessa was teased, tormented, endlessly. She was picked on. She was bullied. And this last for years. It was non-stop. The torment never seemed to end. No place was safe. School was never safe. The child had no home. She felt completely alone. She felt completely alone in this cold, harsh, cruel world. And she had no idea of how to handle it. She had no idea to just let everything go. All of the hurt. All of the pain.
And for years after, Jessa never had a place to ever call her own. Never. Nobody cared. Nobody ever cared. But why? What was so wrong with her? Jessa was just like every other girl. Someone who only wanted to be accepted. To have friends. And a family. To just ever wanted to feel as though she were loved. All Jessa ever wanted was to feel as though she were normal. Was that really too much to ask for? She never believed so.
Even when she was 8-years-old and came into the Del Rossi home, Jessa believed that they would be just like everyone else. She was so sure, sure that this family too would always disappoint her. Jessa was so sure that they would never truly accept her. Just like every other home that she had stayed in. She expected them to send her back. To get rid of her. To tell her that she wasn't worth having. To tell her that she was not normal. Just like others had told her in the past. But they never did. And for once, she was adopted, was taken into a home to stay. But that whole first year that Jessa had stayed there, she always expected to be sent back. To be thrown out like last week's garbage. To be used and abused. But they kept her. Unlike all of the other homes that she had been at during those first lonely eight years of her life.
It was different. It was awkward. Jessa felt out of place. She felt different. She was not normal like those others in the house. But after that first year of staying in their home, for once, for once in her sad, lonely life, Jessa felt safe. She felt like she finally had a home. So, maybe Jessa did not feel like she belonged 100%, but at least she did not feel like some piece of garbage. At least she did not feel like all she was was just some paycheck.
But as more and more time passed, Jessa wondered about her real parents more and more. Did they love her? Did they ever regret sending her away? Did her parents even care? So, the 14-year-old had went off and found out exactly were those people lived. And she hoped on a bus.
Fearful, Jessa had walked up to the front door. It was a beautiful home. Quite big. Much larger than Ben and Marco's home. It looked like they had quite a lot of money. With a shaky hand, Jessa had raised it and knocked firmly on the front door. And after a few moments, a woman, around the age of 36 answered. She was beautiful. Long dark brown hair. Wavy hair, that reached all the way down to her waist. Bright blue eyes. This woman, she looked like some sort of angel in Jessa's eyes.
Tilting her head, the woman smiled. “Hello, young lady. Who are you?”
“My-” Her voice suddenly had felt dry. And scratchy. She was so nervous. She was so scared. Her words seemed to catch in her throat. Her mind suddenly felt jumbled with all these different thoughts. “Uhm-” Jessa cleared her throat and looked back up at the woman. “My name is Jessa. Jessa Del Rossi. Are-are you-are you Miranda?”
Miranda nodded, slightly confused of who this young child was. And where was the girl's parents? She looked about maybe 11-years-old. She should be with her parents. “How old are you? And where are your parents?”
“My parents...” Jessa trailed off, looking down at the ground. “I'm 14-years-old.” She suddenly looked up with wide child like eyes. “...Mama...” She spoke in a tiny whisper.
Mama. Miranda had definitely heard the word mama. Jessa. Shaking her head sadly, Miranda stepped aside. “Come in. We really should talk. Something about the tone in Miranda's voice made her hesitate. “Richard? Can you come down here please? We have a visitor.” Miranda closed the door behind Jessa. “Can I get you something to eat?”
Jessa shook her head. “Uhm-no thank you. I'm okay.”
Jessa took a seat on the couch in the living room and the older couple took a seat on the couch. “Now, listen, Jessa honey...” Jessa did not like how this woman was speaking. This very woman who had given birth to her. “You should have never come here.” What? Jessa suddenly looked at her. “We both gave you up for a reason.
“I-I don't understand.” Jessa spoke, quietly.
Miranda let out a sigh. “Listen, you're broken. Damaged. We did not want you. We never did. All we asked for was a sweet perfect child. But instead? We got you.”
“Why-why are you saying this?” Tears stung the young girls eyes.
“Now this is exactly what I am talking about you. Crying just because we are being honest. What a childish thing to do.”
Jessa suddenly stood to her feet. “Maybe because I am a child!” she yelled. “And maybe because my damn parents should love me no matter what!”
Miranda sat there, her mouth hung open. “Do you hear yourself? No one would ever want you. You got that? You will always be hated by everyone you love. Now get out of my home. And don't you ever come back. You hear me?”
And ever since Jessa had never been the same. But did anyone notice? Of course not. Maybe her parents had been right. Maybe she was just never worth loving. Maybe no one would ever really love her.
She could never tell Ben and Marco what had happened that day. She was too ashamed of it. She was too scared. But she should not have been. Maybe her biological parents did not love her. But Ben and Marco? Now, they did. They did love her.
Swallowing, Jessa left school, just wondering around Toronto. She just could not go home. She just couldn't. For some reason, Jessa feared that place. The words of her mother haunted her every single day. And her father? All he did was sit there. He did not even have a spine to stand up for his own flesh and blood. It made no sense. How could they not want her? Shouldn't they love her no matter what? Jessa never exactly told Ben about that day. And those words, they followed her around every single minute. It just got her more and more depressed with every single breathe that she took.
Slowly, those minutes spent walking had turning into hours. And before the young teen knew it, it was dark, getting late. Well, after her curfew. But she just could not bring herself to go home. She just couldn't. And the girl ended up at the bridge. Jessa walked over and looked down at the water below. So far down. So far... Jessa climbed up onto the edge slowly, looking down below. If she jumped, she could just end all of her pain. All of her suffering. Of course, Jessa would never actually jump. She just contemplated it. Wondering how people would react if she were to just disappear off of the face of this earth.
1613 WORDSBen Del Rossi TAGGEDtemplate by LISA@GBBS, lyrics by immortal technique CREDITRAWRR! NOTES [/color][/font][/RIGHT] |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2012 10:22:56 GMT -8
Why had he taken that surgery? Why? So he could try to leave Jonathon, only to be forced back when the cat was killed? So he could be beaten up every time he uttered his husband's name? Husband. More like ex-husband. At least, he would be soon, according to that letter. Why hadn't he just allowed the tumor to kill him? At least then, the kids would be safe. They'd go to Marco. Matt, Hayleigh, and Megan. The family would be together again. All that was missing would be him. And really, was that such a big thing? He didn't belong in this family anymore. He had ruined it. God, why had he done that? He remembered back when they were kids, and they were dating. His mother had offered Marco money to dump him. He never took it. Even after Luren, after the drugs, after he dragged him to rob a bank. He never took it. Marco was always loyal to him. So why couldn't he be loyal in turn?
His cell phone was ringing, with the daunting tone that told him who it was. Jonathon. He was in the car, and had been for the past hour. Just driving around. Trying to make sense of this disaster he called life. He didn't know what he wanted anymore. He knew that he didn't want to go back to him. He knew what would be waiting for him. And he couldn't take that just yet. He had a bruise on his cheek from last night. Most of the bruises, though, were gone. The emotional scarring, the invisible bruises, those were what stayed. Maybe he should just toughen up and take it like a man. A real man wouldn't be whimpery over a couple of punches, right?
He needed air. Pulling over, he stopped at the bridge and got out. His cell continued to ring and vibrate, insisting that he answer the phone. Looking at it, he shook his head and threw the phone over. He watched it hit the ground and break into three pieces. Well, the ringing stopped. Leaning against the cold cement, he buried his head in his hands. "God, please help me," he muttered. It wasn't that he was ignoring his daughter. It was just, he hadn't seen her. He didn't know she was there. If he did, he wouldn't be showing his emotions this way |
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Post by Jessa JoAnna Del Rossi on Aug 10, 2012 19:21:25 GMT -8
when the devil wants to dance with you ,YOU BETTER SAY NEVER [/color][/font] because a dance with the devil might last you forever[/color][/font] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/color][/center][/color][/font]
Jessa's outfit OUTFIT
It was hard nowadays. She felt like everyone hated her. And she should. Jessa acted like a little bully. She acted like a brat. Why had she acted that way? Meeting her parents, her family situation, everything just seemed to be fucking her up. Big time. Jessa felt completely abandoned by many people in her family. She should not have to feel that way. She had already been abandoned by her biological family. She did not need to be abandoned yet again. She did not and would not deal with that. Not again. Not ever. No child, no matter the age, should ever have to feel abandoned. Not ever. Shenever meant to become a bully. But she held in so much anger. And she had admired how JJ was. How much of a bully he was. He should have never been offended by that. But then again, maybe he had every right to be. She did not know anymore.
Jessa stood on the other side of the railing. She climbed over and was standing on the edge. A part of her knew that this could be dangerous. But she did not care. Sure, she knew that an accident could happen. That she could easily fall, fall to her death. And she just did not care anymore. Jessa looked down at the water below. If she fell, it would seriously be the death of her. And would anyone care, notice? It was so hard to not feel this way. And then she heard a distant sound, like something falling. And did she hear someone? Jessa swallowed and looked behind her. “Daddy--?” Would he notice that it's past her curfew even? A part of her wished that he would. She wanted him to notice her. She needed it, craved for it. She never once made a move to get off of the ledge.
313 WORDSBen Del Rossi TAGGEDtemplate by LISA@GBBS, lyrics by immortal technique CREDITRAWRR! NOTES [/color][/font][/RIGHT] |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2012 20:34:55 GMT -8
Hearing her voice made him pause. It actually gave him the renewed strength to pull himself together that he needed. He paused, slowly looking up at her. "Jessa." What was she doing here? Of course, he didn't know her schedule anymore. When Marco left, she went with him, just like Jacob and Aidan had. So for all he knew, this could be her nightly routine. He didn't even know what time it was. He had lost track of time a while back. The last time he remembered even looking at his watch was just after seven. He watched her for a moment, before walking over to her. He took notice of where she was standing. And sadly, he didn't blame her. Jumping was something he thought about quite often himself. Especially since the day he got that letter and shot himself. He wondered if Jessa even knew about that. He knew that his mother didn't want to allow Marco to know. But did his kids know? Or had Megan, Matt, and Hayleigh kept it from them like their grandmother told them?
"Jessa." his voice sounded distant, even to him. He had to hide the fact that he had lost the will to live. This was his daughter, his precious CIPA baby. If she knew that he wanted to go set fire to a building and lay down inside it, she might not trust him. She might not look up to him. And he couldn't handle that. He had already lost his husband, he couldn't bear to lose his daughter, too. He didn't ask her to come back over the railing. Maybe he should, but he wasn't exactly the best parent right now. Instead, he stepped over the rail himself and looked down. "It's pretty far down, huh? Doesn't seem so scary anymore." Should he even be talking to her about this? She was his kid. Snapping out of it, he looked at her. "Wanna go somewhere?" |
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Post by Jessa JoAnna Del Rossi on Mar 18, 2013 23:04:02 GMT -8
 “It's pretty far down, huh? Doesn't seem so scary anymore.”
This was not her father. This couldn’t be. He would have had her come back over the railing rather than climb over himself. She was so desperate for either one of her parents to notice her. She needed to know that they loved her. That they would never abandon her. Unlike her biological parents. Her father never even tried to talk to her. Not since she left with Marco. A part of her believed that Ben just did not love her or want her anymore. But she did not want to flat out admit that. He just could never understand. And she was afraid that telling him about looking for her parents would hurt him. And he already seemed like he was not himself. She wanted to tell him, but she did not want to hurt him. So she decided to just keep it to herself.
Jessa just shook her head. “No, daddy.” She whispered. “I really don’t think going somewhere is a good idea.” She pulled her cell from her pocket, noting the time. “After midnight…” she whispered, more to herself than to her father. She sent a quick text to her dad’s phone letting him know that she was alright. That she got caught up at a friend’s, studying for a huge chem test next week. Putting away her cell phone, she looked back to her dad. “You should go. Don’t you have a new family now?” She shook her head, sadly, looking back down below at the water flowing.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2013 21:05:40 GMT -8
Jonathan. Ben wished he had never met the man. He looked at Jessa and sighed. ''I DON'T want to be with him. But he isn't giving me a choice. Can you keep a secret?'' Was it bad parenting to ask her to do that? Ben used to HATE it when the kids asked Marco not to tell him something. Usually, it was when they were in trouble. It was no secret that Ben was tougher on them when it came to punishment. But he only did it because he loved them. Ben just didn't want any repeats of Jason. Ben didn't used to be this tough. Sure, Matt was spanked as a kid, but that was because of all the pranks he pulled on Aidan. But overall, Ben grounded more than he spanked. And then Jason hit high school. And nothing he and Marco did could keep him in line. Ben almost pulled his belt off, but figured Jason was too old to be spanked. And what happened? He got worse and worse over his four years of high school, and took off as soon as he could. Ben could have prevented that. He wasn't hard enough on him. It was entirely his fault.
Ben couldn't bear to make that mistake again. That was why he belted them over every serious offense. Especially Megan, because he honestly was scared that she was following in his footsteps. Ben was eventually going to have to face the fact that he was failing as a parent. Why he ever thought he could be a dad was beyond him. He couldn't think of a single time when he was a good father. Was it possible to give up and give them back before he ruined them completely? Jason was the only one with a chance at a normal life. That was why Ben kicked him out. He was protecting his boy. Look at him now. On the verge of a bridge with Jessa. If she jumped, it would be his fault.
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