Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2010 15:06:55 GMT -8
"I'lll be gone a week. It's for work. Call me if you have any problems, and I'll take the next flight home." Ben had told Jonathan as he packed to leave for "business". It was all a lie, but Ben couldn't help it. He couldn't tell the truth. He was with Jonathan; he wasn't supposed to be doing this. But he never loved Jonathan. Despite making wedding plans, he never loved him. His heart and soul belonged to Marco, and Ben knew it. He was just too stubborn to do much about it. Ben hated to admit it, but he wasn't independent. He needed to be with someone. If he couldn't be with Marco, he would have to stay with Jonathan. Because he wasn't as strong as he let on. He didn't just miraculously recover from his depression. He still wanted to die. And if he was on his own, even with the kids around...he would end up trying it again. Ben already felt like a failure when he survived the last attempt. If he tried it again, he would make sure he didn't fail.
He had taken off in the wee hours of the morning, because when he laid there beside his boyfriend, he couldn't sleep. He hadn't been able to sleep a wink beside Jonathan. There was only one man he could sleep next to. He laid there, twiddling with his wedding band and gazing at the picture of his husband. When Jonathan stirred, he slipped the picture underneath his pillow. He couldn't let the man see it. It would hurt him, and rightly so. Ben couldn't imagine the pain it would have caused him if Marco were laying beside him and looking at a picture of Dylan. It was the same, right? No, Ben knew it wasn't. Because Marco wasn't a guy in his past. Not really. Marco was now, even if he shouldn't be. He would always be his now.
Ben drove to Degrassi, gazing up at the building. It was empty, being at four in the morning. But Ben knew that the janitor would be there. He knocked gently at the back door, and was let in without a word. This was nothing unusual. Ben came here quite often. He took a deep breathe, taking in the memories. He could see Grace running to Jay, hugging his leg and calling him daddy. He looked over at the end of the hall, and he could see Larisa and Johnny fighting over one thing or another. As he walked down the hall and turned a corner, he could see Kate walking out of a classroom, followed by a highly embarrassed Peter, who wore nothing but a poster board. Ben smiled softly then stopped in his tracks. He looked in at the classroom, and he could see himself doodling as Miss Kwan was lecturing. She said his name and he looked up, stuttering out a "yeah." Marco looked over at him and leaned forward, whispering to him. The memory made Ben smile. The day they met was the day everything changed.
Ben's imagination took over. He heard music coming from the gym and curiously, he walked over. He looked over at Ellie and Johnny, who were dancing. "Oh my-" Ben stifled a laugh as he looked over to where Kate was leaving Marco to go talk to Drake. Ben watched as Dylan approached him and then looked over at the entrance, where Ben had come in after work. He stormed angrily over and had started a fight with Dylan. Marco had stopped it; safe, sweet, Marco, who could never stand to see anyone fight. Ben stormed off and everything faded back to the empty darkness of the gymnasium. A ray of sun hit his face from a window. Ben squinted and looked at his watch. Was it six already? He hadn't realized that he had been standing in the school for that long. He heard a car pull up and quickly left. He knew that teachers were starting to come in. Not that he would be in trouble, but his cover would be blown. He knew that if anybody recognized him, it would get back to his kids. It wasn't that they wouldn't understand what he was doing. He knew that if he told Chance or Matt or Megan that he was going to try and get their father back, they would be more than supportive. But, they would also want to tag along. This wasn't a family thing. This was a relationship thing. Ben had no intention of involving the kids until he got a yes. He had to get a yes. He wasn't going to survive much longer without his husband at his side.
It was already six. He needed to go ahead and leave town. Ben got back in the car, and wandered to an old highway. He drove slowly, just thinking about everything that they had been through together. Seventeen years had gone by so fast. They used to be so much in love. It was passionate; they would do anything for each other. And now, seventeen years and ten kids later, everything was changed. What happened to them? Ben's life was all wrong before he met Marco, and it was all wrong with him gone. Why did he let him leave? Ben could have stopped it, he knew. He could have run after him, could have begged for his forgiveness, could have done what he did to get out of trouble. Marco never could say no to him. He looked out at the water as he passed it up, getting onto the freeway. Already, there was a family getting onto a little boat, ready to set sail for god knows where. Ben chuckled as he remembered his invitation to Marco to take off with his father's yacht. It was their first date as an official couple. God, that was not a smooth day at all. Ben grinned to himself as he thought back to that day...
Marco smiled at the arm around his waist and walked with him towards the white yacht. They were closing in on it when a sound startled Marco out of his more content thoughts. But, it wasn't so much the faint sound as the buzzing creature that flew just an inch from his nose. Without warning, Marco let out a yelp and spun right out of Ben's arms. That thing flew right in front of him. And if he hadn't freaked out, it probably would have buzzed around his face. Totally set off by the bee, he ended up behind Ben, fending off the flying creature of death with his hand before he realized it was gone and was left a little embarrassed after screaming and pulling away from him so fast.
Ben looked at Marco in wonder until he saw the bee when he too, yelped and jumped, trying to get away from it. He was swatting at it and yelling, when suddenly he tripped over a rope and fell in the water. As his head emerged again, he treaded water and his cheeks flushed great now he thinks I'm an idiot, he thought. Marco's eyes quickly followed Ben when he heard the splash. Stunned at first, he couldn't resist the smile that started to appear on his face. Then the small chuckle. Quickly, he ran over to the rope and crouched on the dock before getting on his stomach, elbows resting on the wood as he looked over at him in the water. "Are you okay?" He asked, offering a hand down towards him. "Hand?"
Ben pushed the water off his face and reached up, taking Marco's hand "thanks"
Marco took his hand and helped pull him back up to the dock. "I'm scared of them too." He grinned, since they both shared the fear. He hated them, and always had. Even pictures gave him the creeps. How someone could like them was beyond him. They were scary.
Ben smiled as he stood up "yeah but you're not clumsy like I am, otherwise we'd both be in the water"
Marco couldn't help but laugh again and when he stood up, he stepped in close and gave him a quick kiss. "Well, at least you look cute wet." He teased playfully.
Ben swallowed. He missed days like that. Tears brimmed in his eyes as he spotted the exit he needed and took it. Above him, the sky grew dark and boomed with thunder, announcing the presence of an arriving storm. Was he still cute when he was wet? He would find out. Ben didn't pack an umbrella. But he didn't care, either. This was for Marco. Ben didn't care if he got sick with pneumonia, so long as Marco was the one caring for him. The rain drizzled down as he turned onto the street where Marco had moved to. He drove slowly, taking his time to figure out which townhouse it was. When he spotted Marco's car, he grinned and pulled over. Ben turned off the engine and sat back. Now what? What was he going to say? He had poured his heart out to him and it hadn't worked. Well, that was when he was drunk and Darcy was there to intervene. Stupid Darcy. But now, she was off playing high school principal, and Marco was sober, or at least he should be for as early as it was. But what would he say? What could he say? Ben sighed and turned on the radio, as if it was going to help. He wished everything could go back to before he even met Jonathan.
He had held Marco during his withdrawls. He had robbed a bank with him. He had run to him when he was gay bashed. That was years ago. Still, they had been there for each other. Even now, when his father died, Marco was right there with him. And now, Ben needed him again. Because if he couldn't have Marco, he didn't want to live. Ben looked down at the divorce papers and the letter that he received just before he shot himself. Ben ran a hand against his bald skin, feeling the scars from the surgeries. He couldn't let Marco see. Marco didn't even know what had happened. Nobody had bothered to tell him. Why? Would he not care? Would he laugh and say that he deserved it? Ben picked up the letter and the papers. Maybe it would be easier on Marco if he just signed the damn papers. But he wasn't willing to do that. Not without a fight, Even though he chose Jonathan, he would never be willing to give up Marco. When it came down to it, he knew what he wanted. He wanted to leave the navy brat and go back to reality. Because, that was all being with Jonathan was: a fantasy. And fantasies were only good for so long.
Ben's mind drifted to the radio station he was listening to. His eyes widened at the time. It was 7:30 already? Where was the time going this morning? The rain drummed on the roof of the car as Ben got out. If he waited too much longer, Marco would leave or something and he couldn't let that happen. He didn't even have a plan. He walked up to the townhouse, gazing up at it. He couldn't just open the door and say "honey, I'm home!', even if the door was unlocked. He didn't belong here. Well, nobody from his family belonged here. That was why he was here; to bring them back. Ben's hat was soaked, but he wasn't going to take it off. This wasn't going to turn into being about his suicide attempt or his aneurysm. This was about attaining forgiveness, And getting his attention. Ben took a step back, looking at the second story windows. He caught a shadow of a person getting dressed, and was sure that it was Marco. Ben rubbed his hands together, coming up with a plan. He backed up then ran and jumped, trying to grab the balcony. He slammed into the wall, though, and fell back onto his back. Ben groaned, looking up at the sky as the rain came pouring down.
He needed a plan B. Obviously, jumping to the second story was easier in the movies than it was on real life. Ben stood up and looked around. He spotted some rocks and swallowed. He got a handful of rocks and spat on one of them. He used to be a pretty good pitcher in baseball, back in the day. He pulled back and sent the rock to the window. It landed with a soft tap. He grinned and threw a couple more. Rocks at a window was romantic, right? He thought so. He was soaked in rain and covered in mud, but he could still be romantic! He ran out of rocks and grabbed a bigger one. He threw it at the window, and his eyes widened when the window broke. That wasn't exactly the romantic moment Ben was going for. "uhoh," he muttered under his breath, but the front door was opening! Ben looked around anxiously. Why didn't he bring flowers? He should have brought flowers! He spotted a flower in the yard and quickly picked it, holding it out with an guilty smile. That smile quickly faded when he saw who it was that was coming outside. As he looked straight at the angry expression on Lorenzo's face, he paled. That was not Marco! If that wasn't bad enough, he was followed out by Dominic and Antonio. Ben had always said that Marco's family could start their own mafia! But, he never wanted them to start with him. He pointed at the window "that-that was an accident," he said, but it didn't save him from being tackled to the ground. Ben groaned "you played football in high school, didn't you?" he asked as he found him on his stomach in the mud.
"You bastard! You lying, cheating bastard! You think we're going to let you around Marco now?" Lorenzo demanded as he got off of him. Ben started to get up, when he was kicked back down by Dominic. Ben winced and got on his knees, but was kicked again, this time by Antonio. With a whimper, Ben finally managed to stand up. He looked at the three men, who were standing there, waiting to beat the hell out of him. His hands went up in defense and his voice was cracked and weak.
"I-I come in peace" he said with a smile and was responded to with a punch to the jaw, being slammed into a nearby car, and three pummeling blows to the stomach, all done before he could respond to anything. Ben didn't want to fight the three Del Rossi men, not because he was outnumbered, not because Lorenzo was bigger than he was, but because it would hurt Marco. And he loved Marco. That was why he was here, after all! But, he couldn't just stand there being pulverized, either. He picked on the smallest, Antonio, and shoved him forcefully to get him out of his way. As soon as he did, though, Dominic grabbed him and held his arms behind his back. Ben cursed. Dominic was just as big as Ben was, and with Ben having just gotten out of surgery, there was no way he could get himself released. He glared at Lorenzo. He knew that he was leading this, because he was the oldest.
"Marco told us not to kick your ass when he left you. He said violence wasn't the answer. But guess what?" Lorenzo grabbed Ben's chin, stepping closer. "Marco isn't out here and we don't care" he sneered before punching his stomach. Ben coughed and looked down. Antonio picked up his chin and threw a punch at his eye. Ben fought against Dominic, even though it was no use. He wanted to cover his face, to keep them from hitting him. But he couldn't , and the punches kept coming.
He had taken off in the wee hours of the morning, because when he laid there beside his boyfriend, he couldn't sleep. He hadn't been able to sleep a wink beside Jonathan. There was only one man he could sleep next to. He laid there, twiddling with his wedding band and gazing at the picture of his husband. When Jonathan stirred, he slipped the picture underneath his pillow. He couldn't let the man see it. It would hurt him, and rightly so. Ben couldn't imagine the pain it would have caused him if Marco were laying beside him and looking at a picture of Dylan. It was the same, right? No, Ben knew it wasn't. Because Marco wasn't a guy in his past. Not really. Marco was now, even if he shouldn't be. He would always be his now.
Ben drove to Degrassi, gazing up at the building. It was empty, being at four in the morning. But Ben knew that the janitor would be there. He knocked gently at the back door, and was let in without a word. This was nothing unusual. Ben came here quite often. He took a deep breathe, taking in the memories. He could see Grace running to Jay, hugging his leg and calling him daddy. He looked over at the end of the hall, and he could see Larisa and Johnny fighting over one thing or another. As he walked down the hall and turned a corner, he could see Kate walking out of a classroom, followed by a highly embarrassed Peter, who wore nothing but a poster board. Ben smiled softly then stopped in his tracks. He looked in at the classroom, and he could see himself doodling as Miss Kwan was lecturing. She said his name and he looked up, stuttering out a "yeah." Marco looked over at him and leaned forward, whispering to him. The memory made Ben smile. The day they met was the day everything changed.
Ben's imagination took over. He heard music coming from the gym and curiously, he walked over. He looked over at Ellie and Johnny, who were dancing. "Oh my-" Ben stifled a laugh as he looked over to where Kate was leaving Marco to go talk to Drake. Ben watched as Dylan approached him and then looked over at the entrance, where Ben had come in after work. He stormed angrily over and had started a fight with Dylan. Marco had stopped it; safe, sweet, Marco, who could never stand to see anyone fight. Ben stormed off and everything faded back to the empty darkness of the gymnasium. A ray of sun hit his face from a window. Ben squinted and looked at his watch. Was it six already? He hadn't realized that he had been standing in the school for that long. He heard a car pull up and quickly left. He knew that teachers were starting to come in. Not that he would be in trouble, but his cover would be blown. He knew that if anybody recognized him, it would get back to his kids. It wasn't that they wouldn't understand what he was doing. He knew that if he told Chance or Matt or Megan that he was going to try and get their father back, they would be more than supportive. But, they would also want to tag along. This wasn't a family thing. This was a relationship thing. Ben had no intention of involving the kids until he got a yes. He had to get a yes. He wasn't going to survive much longer without his husband at his side.
It was already six. He needed to go ahead and leave town. Ben got back in the car, and wandered to an old highway. He drove slowly, just thinking about everything that they had been through together. Seventeen years had gone by so fast. They used to be so much in love. It was passionate; they would do anything for each other. And now, seventeen years and ten kids later, everything was changed. What happened to them? Ben's life was all wrong before he met Marco, and it was all wrong with him gone. Why did he let him leave? Ben could have stopped it, he knew. He could have run after him, could have begged for his forgiveness, could have done what he did to get out of trouble. Marco never could say no to him. He looked out at the water as he passed it up, getting onto the freeway. Already, there was a family getting onto a little boat, ready to set sail for god knows where. Ben chuckled as he remembered his invitation to Marco to take off with his father's yacht. It was their first date as an official couple. God, that was not a smooth day at all. Ben grinned to himself as he thought back to that day...
Marco smiled at the arm around his waist and walked with him towards the white yacht. They were closing in on it when a sound startled Marco out of his more content thoughts. But, it wasn't so much the faint sound as the buzzing creature that flew just an inch from his nose. Without warning, Marco let out a yelp and spun right out of Ben's arms. That thing flew right in front of him. And if he hadn't freaked out, it probably would have buzzed around his face. Totally set off by the bee, he ended up behind Ben, fending off the flying creature of death with his hand before he realized it was gone and was left a little embarrassed after screaming and pulling away from him so fast.
Ben looked at Marco in wonder until he saw the bee when he too, yelped and jumped, trying to get away from it. He was swatting at it and yelling, when suddenly he tripped over a rope and fell in the water. As his head emerged again, he treaded water and his cheeks flushed great now he thinks I'm an idiot, he thought. Marco's eyes quickly followed Ben when he heard the splash. Stunned at first, he couldn't resist the smile that started to appear on his face. Then the small chuckle. Quickly, he ran over to the rope and crouched on the dock before getting on his stomach, elbows resting on the wood as he looked over at him in the water. "Are you okay?" He asked, offering a hand down towards him. "Hand?"
Ben pushed the water off his face and reached up, taking Marco's hand "thanks"
Marco took his hand and helped pull him back up to the dock. "I'm scared of them too." He grinned, since they both shared the fear. He hated them, and always had. Even pictures gave him the creeps. How someone could like them was beyond him. They were scary.
Ben smiled as he stood up "yeah but you're not clumsy like I am, otherwise we'd both be in the water"
Marco couldn't help but laugh again and when he stood up, he stepped in close and gave him a quick kiss. "Well, at least you look cute wet." He teased playfully.
Ben swallowed. He missed days like that. Tears brimmed in his eyes as he spotted the exit he needed and took it. Above him, the sky grew dark and boomed with thunder, announcing the presence of an arriving storm. Was he still cute when he was wet? He would find out. Ben didn't pack an umbrella. But he didn't care, either. This was for Marco. Ben didn't care if he got sick with pneumonia, so long as Marco was the one caring for him. The rain drizzled down as he turned onto the street where Marco had moved to. He drove slowly, taking his time to figure out which townhouse it was. When he spotted Marco's car, he grinned and pulled over. Ben turned off the engine and sat back. Now what? What was he going to say? He had poured his heart out to him and it hadn't worked. Well, that was when he was drunk and Darcy was there to intervene. Stupid Darcy. But now, she was off playing high school principal, and Marco was sober, or at least he should be for as early as it was. But what would he say? What could he say? Ben sighed and turned on the radio, as if it was going to help. He wished everything could go back to before he even met Jonathan.
He had held Marco during his withdrawls. He had robbed a bank with him. He had run to him when he was gay bashed. That was years ago. Still, they had been there for each other. Even now, when his father died, Marco was right there with him. And now, Ben needed him again. Because if he couldn't have Marco, he didn't want to live. Ben looked down at the divorce papers and the letter that he received just before he shot himself. Ben ran a hand against his bald skin, feeling the scars from the surgeries. He couldn't let Marco see. Marco didn't even know what had happened. Nobody had bothered to tell him. Why? Would he not care? Would he laugh and say that he deserved it? Ben picked up the letter and the papers. Maybe it would be easier on Marco if he just signed the damn papers. But he wasn't willing to do that. Not without a fight, Even though he chose Jonathan, he would never be willing to give up Marco. When it came down to it, he knew what he wanted. He wanted to leave the navy brat and go back to reality. Because, that was all being with Jonathan was: a fantasy. And fantasies were only good for so long.
Ben's mind drifted to the radio station he was listening to. His eyes widened at the time. It was 7:30 already? Where was the time going this morning? The rain drummed on the roof of the car as Ben got out. If he waited too much longer, Marco would leave or something and he couldn't let that happen. He didn't even have a plan. He walked up to the townhouse, gazing up at it. He couldn't just open the door and say "honey, I'm home!', even if the door was unlocked. He didn't belong here. Well, nobody from his family belonged here. That was why he was here; to bring them back. Ben's hat was soaked, but he wasn't going to take it off. This wasn't going to turn into being about his suicide attempt or his aneurysm. This was about attaining forgiveness, And getting his attention. Ben took a step back, looking at the second story windows. He caught a shadow of a person getting dressed, and was sure that it was Marco. Ben rubbed his hands together, coming up with a plan. He backed up then ran and jumped, trying to grab the balcony. He slammed into the wall, though, and fell back onto his back. Ben groaned, looking up at the sky as the rain came pouring down.
He needed a plan B. Obviously, jumping to the second story was easier in the movies than it was on real life. Ben stood up and looked around. He spotted some rocks and swallowed. He got a handful of rocks and spat on one of them. He used to be a pretty good pitcher in baseball, back in the day. He pulled back and sent the rock to the window. It landed with a soft tap. He grinned and threw a couple more. Rocks at a window was romantic, right? He thought so. He was soaked in rain and covered in mud, but he could still be romantic! He ran out of rocks and grabbed a bigger one. He threw it at the window, and his eyes widened when the window broke. That wasn't exactly the romantic moment Ben was going for. "uhoh," he muttered under his breath, but the front door was opening! Ben looked around anxiously. Why didn't he bring flowers? He should have brought flowers! He spotted a flower in the yard and quickly picked it, holding it out with an guilty smile. That smile quickly faded when he saw who it was that was coming outside. As he looked straight at the angry expression on Lorenzo's face, he paled. That was not Marco! If that wasn't bad enough, he was followed out by Dominic and Antonio. Ben had always said that Marco's family could start their own mafia! But, he never wanted them to start with him. He pointed at the window "that-that was an accident," he said, but it didn't save him from being tackled to the ground. Ben groaned "you played football in high school, didn't you?" he asked as he found him on his stomach in the mud.
"You bastard! You lying, cheating bastard! You think we're going to let you around Marco now?" Lorenzo demanded as he got off of him. Ben started to get up, when he was kicked back down by Dominic. Ben winced and got on his knees, but was kicked again, this time by Antonio. With a whimper, Ben finally managed to stand up. He looked at the three men, who were standing there, waiting to beat the hell out of him. His hands went up in defense and his voice was cracked and weak.
"I-I come in peace" he said with a smile and was responded to with a punch to the jaw, being slammed into a nearby car, and three pummeling blows to the stomach, all done before he could respond to anything. Ben didn't want to fight the three Del Rossi men, not because he was outnumbered, not because Lorenzo was bigger than he was, but because it would hurt Marco. And he loved Marco. That was why he was here, after all! But, he couldn't just stand there being pulverized, either. He picked on the smallest, Antonio, and shoved him forcefully to get him out of his way. As soon as he did, though, Dominic grabbed him and held his arms behind his back. Ben cursed. Dominic was just as big as Ben was, and with Ben having just gotten out of surgery, there was no way he could get himself released. He glared at Lorenzo. He knew that he was leading this, because he was the oldest.
"Marco told us not to kick your ass when he left you. He said violence wasn't the answer. But guess what?" Lorenzo grabbed Ben's chin, stepping closer. "Marco isn't out here and we don't care" he sneered before punching his stomach. Ben coughed and looked down. Antonio picked up his chin and threw a punch at his eye. Ben fought against Dominic, even though it was no use. He wanted to cover his face, to keep them from hitting him. But he couldn't , and the punches kept coming.
