good as I was to you (Andre)

[Deleted]

Fifteen years, eleven months, and six days. That was how long Andrew was married to his husband. On April 3rd, it would be sixteen years. Sixteen years of sharing each other's pain and sorrow. Sixteen years of enjoying each other's tears of joy. Andrew remembered well the night he proposed. He had heard that Andre was a free spirit, and had many conquests. In fact, a couple of people warned him that he might be just that: another one of Andre Del Rossi's conquests. But Andrew knew better. He loved Andre, and knew he had his love in return. He had taken him to Madrid, and had proposed over dinner. It was the happiest time of Andrew's life. The two of them swore to be faithful and true in sickness and health, until death did they part. During the vows that Andrew had written out, he promised to share everything. He said that Andre would be his best friend, and nothing would be kept from him. And Andrew never once kept a secret from his husband.

But Andre did.

The child was seventeen...seventeen. That meant that since before they were even married, the secret was kept. Andrew was lied to. He was lied to since the moment he started dating Andre. Andrew would have understood completely; it happened before they were together. Andre could have told him. But he hadn't. He lied to him through their engagement and through sixteen years of faithful marriage on Andrew's part. Their whole relationship was a lie. Andrew couldn't just smile and say that's okay, welcome to the family, Isaac! Not like Natasha had done. Sure, he would be okay with Isaac moving in. He wasn't to blame. But Andre....he couldn't even look at Andre.

Andrew had been introduced, and after a quiet hello, he walked away. He decided to let the girls have their little sibling meeting, and let Andre reunite with his son. He had taken a taxi and just rode around all day. His phone had gone off repeatedly, and after the seventh or eighth time, Andrew turned it off. He wasn't going to hear Andre talk about how he shouldn't be upset or try to apologize, or whatever it was that he was going to do. Andrew was a grown man with plenty of money. He didn't need to call home. It wasn't like he had stranded them. He didn't even take the car.

Andrew had gone and watched a play, and had dinner alone on a dinner cruise that he had been planning to take Andre on for their anniversary. Now, he wasn't so sure there would be one. After dinner, he decided to go into a dance club. What was the name? Tonic? Andrew danced with a couple of girls that were exceedingly younger than himself until his back started hurting. He then got in another taxi and paid the driver to give him a tour of Toronto. It wasn't until 1:30 that he finally allowed the taxi to take him home.

Andrew entered the house silently. He went upstairs and peeked in on Natasha and then Ashleigh. Both girls were sleeping soundly. Andrew kissed each of them on their forehead and then went downstairs into the den. Just because he was home did not mean that he was ready to face his husband. Instead, he poured himself a glass of milk and settled in the new couch. A warm blanket was draped over the back of it. Andrew grabbed it and covered up, laying down. He heaved a sigh and closed his eyes, before hearing the voice he had been avoiding all day.

[Andre Simpson]

Andre never regretted Isaac. Despite the secrecy, and his attempt to keep him hidden from the rest of his family, Andre never regretted him. From the first time he held that tiny creature in his arms, he'd been taken by him. And it was so strange, so surreal really. And painful, with all of the love that he experienced in that moment, he felt something deep and stabbing. He couldn't take care of him. No matter how badly he wanted to, he couldn't. His income was nonexistent, he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life and he would never give him the life he deserved. He had felt so helpless with that little boy in his arms, despite wanting to give him everything. It was his cousin that stepped in. And Andre did his best to be present, he had made it known from the start that he didn't want to be out of his life completely. But, he didn't want to confuse him either. It was the hardest choice he ever made, but he did it and he thought it was for the best even now. When Andre had met Andrew, he never told him. It crossed his mind, but he chose not to; decided it was better if he didn't. Andre didn't want to spoil it all by saying 'oh, and by the way, I've got a kid.' And for years, he had stayed in Isaac's life secretly. He couldn't count the phone calls, the trips that work could excuse for him. There was only one living (now dead) person that knew about Isaac and that had been his partner for one reason and one reason only, he was his cover. He'd been called a child when he first told him about the situation. It wasn't that he wanted to either, he just happened to let it slip once that it was his son's birthday and after that, he was there to back him up when something 'came up'.

Sneaking was something he wound up good at. Hell, he remembered the first time he was shipped off in the Marines. He had been sent to Virginia to Quantico for only a couple of weeks before he was supposed to be shipped overseas for a short stint. Toronto was eleven hours away, and Andre had called his cousin begging him to drive halfway, and he would meet him. Six hours in the middle of the night. Six hours to see a tiny boy, after sneaking off of a military base. And he didn't even get a lot of time with him. He loved him the same way he loved his daughters. And somehow he kept it completely secret. And now it was all out in the open. Oh, he knew Andrew was upset from the moment he walked away and he wanted to chase after him and tell him not to be, but he couldn't, because he didn't want to add drama to the mix with the kids. And by all means, he didn't want Isaac to feel outcasted. But after that he kept on calling him and wouldn't stop. Even when he turned his phone off, he kept it up, and by now he hated the god damned voice mail. He wasn't tired when Andrew finally came home, he had been sitting in his room, eyeing the TV quietly as he waited and trying to calm his nerves. They wouldn't though and as soon as he heard things settle, he went into the den, his dark eyes instantly narrowed on the couch.

"Are you really going to ignore what happened?" He asked, his arms crossing over his chest. He didn't want to be ignored. He wanted a chance to explain himself, apologize and tell him that there was no reason for him to be upset even though he knew there was. Andre thought that maybe he could convince him otherwise. It was a lie, but it wasn't as if it had physically harmed anyone and he hadn't cheated on him. The kid was born before they were together! He felt bad for hurting him, that much was true. But Andre also had a difficult time admitting he was wrong even when it was true that he was. He wanted to make it right and fix it. And then maybe they could pretend that he hadn't been keeping a secret for sixteen years.

[Deleted]

Andrew sighed at the question. He sat up and looked at his husband. Arms across his chest, scowl on his face; it almost looked like he was the one angry. Perhaps Andrew had no right to be upset. But that didn't change the fact that he was. He had been lied to for seventeen years. Was he supposed to be okay with that? In a way, he's known for eleven years now that his husband wasn't being honest. Andre had told Andrew that he would be in Atlanta on a military base. Natasha had broken her ankle during the week, and Andrew had tried to get ahold of his husband. He called the base, only to be told that Corporal Simpson her been sent home that week. That couldn't be right, Andrew had said. He was in Atlanta for the military!

Andrew didn't even pursue it. He texted his husband and told him that Natasha was hurt and that was all. At the time, he feared that he was being cheated on and didn't want to know if he was. So, every time Andre said that he was going somewhere for work, Andrew pretended that he believed him. He wasn't going to see his family be torn apart because of his husband's indiscrepencies.

Andrew shook his head. He had been fighting to keep his family together, or so it seemed, for eleven years. He had a system: he ignored the problem. He would go for a day or two without speaking to Andre, and if asked why, he would say he was just tired. After he was over being upset, Andrew would simply pretend that nothing happened. It wasn't a flawless system, but it worked for him. And now, he was being asked to forget his system and talk. Andrew didn't want to talk about bad things. He was just like Natasha.

"I don't need this now...I c-I can't h-hear this now." Andrew felt ready to break down. Shaking his head, he walked past him and out of the den. "I need to be left alone. I can check into a hotel if that's going to be a problem." He didn't want to cry over this. If he was going to cry, it was not going to be done in front of Andre. Andrew was a man who showed his emotions, but this time his emotions were simply too strong.He wasn't ready to show how he was feeling. He didn't know if he'd ever be ready.

[Andre Simpson]

If there was ever a real problem, Andre never noticed it. He spent a lot of effort into keeping the secrets he needed to and he had gotten good at it. Although, he never thought they were the type that really showed a shady side of his character. It wasn't as if he was cheating or hurting anybody. He just wasn't mentioning that he had a kid, and wasn't being completely honest about how he spent some of his time. Andre seemed to accept Andrew's lack of talking when something was wrong; because most of the time he didn't know anything was wrong. He believed that he was tired when that was the answer. Otherwise, he wouldn't have thought he did anything. He never gave him a sign that his covers had been blown. And he didn't know if he would ever be able to come out with it. You spend so much time on a lie and after a while it feels worse to come out with it so you just build it up and that was what Andre did. He did it and just cast it off.

Andre followed him, not about to let it go. "Well, you're going to have to." He retorted, not about to let him get out of talking about it. "Damn it, no hotels. You can't just pretend it didn't happen. You can't ignore me." Andre didn't like being ignored and he thought that of all the things that should be talked about, this was one of them. It didn't escape him that he was upset. And sure, he had every reason to be, but Andre wasn't seeing it from that side of things. To him, it was reasonable to lie. As far as he was concerned, there were times when lying was appropriate, despite his promise to stay honest from the very beginning.

[Deleted]

Andrew shook his head as he headed up the stairs. A hotel was seeming like a good idea. "You pretended it didn't happen for seventeen years," he commented. His voice was barely above a whisper, since he didn't want to wake the kids up. He went into the master bedroom and took out his suitcase from the closet.

"Just stop it. I get it" did he really? No, not at all. But Andrew felt ready to scream, and that was not something that he did. He had never been in a yelling match since he was a kid. He always kept his composure. All of their arguments in the past had been argued with a steady, low tone. But even that was almost gone. He needed to get out.

[Andre Simpson]

Pretend. He didn't like the word pretend. Although, it was exactly what he did around his family. Though, he figured not mentioning it wasn't the same as pretending. He never lied about having a son, he lied about where he went and about what he was doing, but he never was asked if he had any other kids. Well, not that he could remember anyhow. Though, he knew he very much implied that he didn't. "You never asked," it was the first thing that jumped to mind and he knew immediately that it wasn't the type of answer needed in that kind of argument. If anything it was the worse one that he could have possibly come up with. It was immature and childish. "It didn't seem important." Even if it was one of the most important aspects of his life, he didn't think that it needed to be brought up in the home he lived in in Malibu. He should have known things would change when they moved to Toronto. But, honestly, all he was thinking about was seeing his kids again. All three.

"Stop, you're not going. Not like this." He walked around to stand in front of him, being stubborn about it. There was no way he was going to let him pack up and walk out without talking about it. Andre didn't really like talking per se. There weren't a lot of instances where he was actually upset at Andrew in particular, but when he was upset, he didn't talk to anyone. He sealed himself off completely, but it was a good idea on his part, given that he seemed to take on an incredibly cold and dark persona when he was at his lowest. He was miserable to be around.

[Deleted]

Andrew's eyes narrowed at him. "I never asked?" he repeated, shaking his head. "Oh, I'm sorry! I guess it just never occurred to me to say oh, by the way, do you have a son? How stupid of me!" The sarcasm was laced in his voice as he took down some shirts that were hanging in the closet. Hearing him say it wasn't important made him want to punch his husband, but he didn't. He could feel his anger rising.

Not important. Andrew went in the bathroom and grabbed his toothbrush and deodorant. "Well, maybe I should go to Ben and he can help me file papers. That won't be important either, right?" his voice cracked as he said it. It was obvious that he was hurt by the comment, even more so when tears brimmed his eyes. "I gotta go" he said softly, throwing everything into the suitcase and zipping it up.

[Andre Simpson]

"Well, I never thought it was a good time to mention it!" He retorted, irritatedly. So, maybe he should have, but that's not what happened. "I didn't even have custody of him. Or any real rights at all," Although, he was treated like the father, because Andre wanted him to know that he was his real father and that he had done what he thought was best. It wasn't as if he had ever been restricted from him. But, his legal responsibilities were zero, even if he took it upon himself to fulfil certain responsibilities. Not because he had to, because it was right. Because he loved him. "And maybe, maybe this was why I never said anything to begin with." He was referring to the argument, as if he could have foreseen it and after a while, he was able to see that that would happen. It was why it had to stay a secret after so many years passed. It was simple the way things were. And even if he never thought it, he was told that it was going to come out eventually. Everytime his son came up in conversation with his former partner, he had reminded him that he was setting himself up for an explosion.

As he finished zipping the suitcase, Andre's eyes widened. File papers? Not only did he want to growl at the mention of Ben, but he was suggesting divorce! He expected him to be upset, but didn't expect him to take it that far. Desperate to get his attention on him and not the suitcase, so the very moment he zipped it up and he knew he had a window to strike, he climbed onto the bed, grabbed the suitcase to push it back slightly and plopped himself down in between it and Andrew, his hand behind him on it, as if to keep him from getting it back. "You don't have to go anywhere. No one's making you! Don't threaten me, Andrew. Don't." The last was said more as a plea, not a demand at all. He didn't want him to leave.

[Deleted]

"That's not the point," he said quietly when he went on about not having any real rights. When he said that the argument was why, he shook his head. When he got between him and the suitcase, he reached out and slapped him. "I don't care!" he yelled at him. "I don't give a fuck that you have a son! I CARE THAT YOU LIED!"

He reached forward and tried to get his suitcase. When he couldn't, he took a step back. "You lied" he said again when told that he didn't have to go anywhere. Shaking his head, he turned and left the bedroom. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed the taxi service, yet again.

"Yes, I would like to arrange for a taxi to pick me up....1645 Rosaline Drive....yes, I'll hold." He looked at Andre. "You don't give a damn about me or how I feel, so I am leaving. And honestly, I don't think I'm coming back. Enjoy the bedroom, and the car."

"Daddy?" Andrew heard the sleepy voice of his older daughter and turned around to look at Natasha. She was standing in her pink silk nightgown with her pink fuzzy slippers, in the doorway of her room. The commotion had woken her up, and she decided to approach her parents. "What's going on?"

"Natasha...come over here, darling. I have something for you." he reached in his wallet and pulled out one of his credit cards and handed it to her. "Spend as much as you want, Princess. Oh, and good news. You're not grounded anymore."

Natasha smiled sleepily as she took the card from him. "I'm not? Really? Thank you, daddy!" she exclaimed and hugged Andrew before running over to Andre.

Andrew have a proud of it smile to his husband before hearing his name. "Yes?" he asked into the phone. "Twenty minutes....that'll do just fine. Thank you" he hung up and looked at Natasha "you wanna go somewhere with me?"

Natasha smiled "now? It's in the middle of the night"

Andrew nodded "yes, now. Let's go have fun"

"ok!" she said and ran back in her room, followed by Andrew

[Andre Simpson]

Andre was stunned. Not at the yelling and not at what he said, it was the hit that shocked him and left him completely silent. He had never hit him before, and the detective was definitely caught off guard by it. He sat there staring at him, bemused. It hurt, but nothing more than he could take. It wasn't a physical pain that plagued him either, it was something that was far more internal. It was a blow to his pride, and a clear sign that the fight had reached a limit they hadn't touched yet. He barely knew how to gather words for several seconds. He was scared, especially with the threat of leaving. He was afraid that he was going to leave him and for good. He couldn't see himself without him. He had been with him for too long, there was no one else. And he couldn't lose him like that over a secret that he kept not out of any ill will, but really out of love. It might not have seemed that way to any rational person, but he believed that telling him he had a son in the beginning could have made things more complicated. Besides, he thought it was okay to keep some things close and not out in the open.

He sat there for a moment before climbing to his feet. "Andrew!" Before he could say anything else, he was talking to Natasha and when he did his eyes narrowed and it wasn't until she escaped back into her bedroom that he grabbed his husband by the arm to pull him back. "Now you're just undermining my parenting?" He asked, frustrated with that, but at the same time desperate to keep him, so he shook his head, letting it go. "Andrew, please. Don't. I love you. It's not like I've been keeping other things. This was just... a special circumstance. You can't walk out on me like this, not after this long, not after what we have here. Come on, remember that time we went to Puerto Rico and I told you nothing was ever going to keep me away from you? Well that cab outside, it won't keep me from you either."

[Deleted]

Andrew looked down at his feet when he mentioned Puerto Rico. His eyes brimmed with tears. Why did he have to go and bring that up? Andrew's arms folded as he started to cry. He was hearing a damned good argument, but it wasn't enough. He didn't hear an apology, or even an admittance of guilt. Andrew was broken hearted that he had been lied to. Didn't huis husband see that? He was supposed to know him better than anyone!

"How am I supposed to believe anything you say? You lied, Andre. And you don't even care. How can I stay?" Andrew had never been hurt like this before. Everything else about Andre's past, Andrew knew about. Knowing about Isaac was not seeing him go. Not knowing was what made him want to run away. He had once told Andre that he wasn't good with secrets. It was a long time ago, but Andrew remembered it, especially now.

[Andre Simpson]

Andre knew that he didn't handle secrets well and in the beginning, he made a promise that he wouldn't keep them. And that was the biggest one. There were other things, little ones that Andre kept to himself, like the occasional drink or his emotions (although after so long, he assumed Andrew could read him even if he didn't want him to). Andre didn't wear things on his sleeve. It was easy for him to close up when he wanted to and he liked to keep a certain amount of himself to himself. It was a defensive mechanism and Isaac had been a secret that he couldn't tell after so long. "I care, damn it. Don't tell me I don't. I do." He retorted, not liking the accusation in his words. He kept shaking his head, feeling helpless to him leaving.

"I'm sorry! Is that what you want? I'm sorry." He nearly yelled it. It took a lot for him to apologize. Andre didn't just throw apologies out like candy. It had to be something that he cared enough about to make it happen. And he had always been that way. He didn't start admitting guilt unless it was bad enough and it took a lot of work to make himself finally apologize. But maybe he needed to this time.

[Deleted]

"Then show me that you care!" he sobbed. He turned, his back now facing Andre as he covered his eyes with his hand. Unlike his husband, Andrew couldn't just close off when he was upset. He broke down if he did that. He needed some way of comfort. And right now, he felt really vulnerable. Isaac was a precious kid. He looked just like his father, and Andrew loved that. He just wished that he could have been a part of his life. He could have had alot of fun with him! He honestly did not care that he had a son. It was the betrayal, the breach of trust that hurt him the most.

Andrew listened to the apology and shook his head "I want you to mean it" he said quietly. He didn't want a yelled-out apology from his angry husband who probably didn't think he should be upset. He wanted a sincere, heart-felt apology from the love of his life. There was a big difference there.

[Andre Simpson]

"I never stopped caring!" He retorted; he didn't know what to do. He felt unsure of how to react, and how to make him see it from his perspective. "Andrew, please." He felt shaky. He hated being confronted with that kind of emotion. And he moved closer, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Please, just listen to me. I love you, I still do. I was afraid, all right? I was scared you wouldn't get it. Then the next thing I know sixteen years have gone by and it had gone on for too long. I'm sorry! I do mean it. I wouldn't say it if I didn't." And he wouldn't, although he could have started off without yelling it at him. Andre was loud. It wasn't anything he could really help, it was just the type of person that he always had been.

When he was emotional, he was either completely silent or loud. There was no balance or in between. Andre had never been able to find it and he didn't exactly try either. He thought that the methods he had worked just fine for him. "I'm sorry," he said softer, barely above a whisper. He was scared he was losing him and he didn't know if anything he said could make a difference. And that left him a little bit helpless.

[Deleted]

Andrew felt the hand on his shoulder and before he could think of how to react, his hand made contact with Andre's and squeezed it. Andre's words made him turn around and look at him, even though he was still crying. The words were definitely having an impact. Andre always did have a way of making Andrew fall head over heels for him all over again. Andrew swallowed the lump in his throat, looking up in his husband's eyes with his own pained eyes.

He didn't say anything. He couldn't. He could barely even see his husband. Blinking, he set free tears that had gotten caught on his eye lashes. He then looked down, almost ashamed of himself for getting so upset. He did get it, he really did! At least, he got the kid part. Andrew wanted to apologize himself, but knew he couldn't. He had every right to be upset. He wasn't going to let the words come out of his mouth.,