haunted by memories ::: matt

[Megan Julia Del Rossi]

Megan hated this. She hated living in fear. She hated Jack. And she hated living with Jonathon. The girl was filled with a ton of hate. She hated everything...everyone. She was hardly talking to anyone. She refused to talk about that night. It was bad enough that every moment her eyes were closed, she relived that night over and over again. It was like watching a video. She hated it. Every nightmare...she swore that she could feel the pain as though it was all happening all over again. And it terrified her.

Tonight was no different. It had been a Friday night and Megan had spent most of the evening in her room, avoiding everyone. She kept her door locked so noone could just walk on in. And when anyone knocked on her bedroom door, she jumped, but remained absolutely quiet. She just was refusing to deal with the whole situation.

Megan hadn't gotten to sleep til finally at midnight. But the nightmares continued to haunt her. It was like reliving that night over and over again. She'd had them ever since going into the hospital. Waking up screaming, Megan was as white as a ghost and sweating. That was how she usually had been waking up. Looking to the clock, Megan sighed. 4:00. She shook her head and grabbed her crutches. She slowly got up and left the room and headed downstairs. It was dark. Of course. Everyone was asleep. She figured at least. Megan walked into the living room and sat down on the couch, setting her crutches down. But she only just sat there in the dark as tears filled her eyes. She wasn't even trying to deal. She just avoided everyone and everything.

[Deleted]

The ball struck the rim of the basket and bounced off. Matt didn't even like the game. But he needed to throw something. Since being released, he hadn't slept. He had a new little hobby instead. Matt had gotten a hunting knife. Someday, he'd kill him. He had a sharpening stone and everything. Of course, Ben wouldn't know. He didn't do anything with Matt. He found himself wanting a whipping from his dad. Or being grounded. Anything was better than this.

At ten till four, Matt was still fully dressed. Going downstairs, he went into the front driveway, where the basketball hoop was. He picked up the ball and threw it at the hoop. He didn't know anyone else was up. Frustrated, he caught the ball and threw it again. This time it flew and hit the front door. Perfect. Just perfect.

[Megan Julia Del Rossi]

Megan bit down on her lip. She had tried so hard to avoid everyone in her family. Everyone period. So hard. She was terrified of her life. It was sad. That night, Jack had every intention of killing her. Every intention. And every second that passed, she wished he would just get it over with. Even now, she wished that he had just killed her that night. But she never spoke that outloud. Never.

As she sat there in the dark, silent, she jumped the second she heard something hit the front door, letting out a scream. A tear fell down her cheek as she whimpered out. Finally grabbing her crutches, she swallowed and slowly made her way to the front door. And opened it. Which might have been stupid. "Hello?" she whispered, her voice cracking. And then she saw Matt and swallowed, but did not say one single word or move from where she was standing at.

[Deleted]

Matt walked over to the ball, picking it up. He bounced it on the ground, when he heard the door open. He looked at his sister before throwing the ball again. It wasn't going into the hoop. But he didn't want it to. Not like it would if he did. Matt was terrible at sports. Finally, he let the ball roll away and looked at her again. He nodded and looked down. Slipping his hands in his back pockets, he shrugged.

"It's late" he commented, as if she didn't know that. "You should be in bed" what about him? He didn't need sleep? Matt ignored his hypocritical moment and instead, slumped on the porch

[Megan Julia Del Rossi]

Megan bit her lip and instantly looked down at the ground. Of course. Megan knew it was late. But how can she sleep? With her nightmares, it felt like she wasn't really getting any sleep anyhow. The girl was and looked exhausted, but Megan was just to afraid to go back to sleep. But she never told anyone. She never said a word. She was not sleeping. How could she tell anyone that? And it was all because of Jack.

But the girl didn't look back up. Sure, she may have been like a little shadow to Matt alot lately, but she still tended to avoid eye contact. With anyone. And yes, that also included Matt.But also, he was the only one who really knew the identity of her attacker. Okay, well, so did Hannah and Mallory. But that was besides the point.

With a sigh, Megan looked up, but looked to be more in a daze than actually looking at anyone. That was how she was lately. Ever since that night. "Uhm--I-I-uhm-" she swallowed. Come on, Megan she lectured herself. Why the hell was she stuttering? It was only Matt. But she had been stuttering alot. Almost everytime she spoke. "I-I know...I just--uhm--" she shrugged. "I dont wanna sleep. I'm-I'm not tired." Yeah, right. he girl looked like she had been to hell and back. But how could she say that she hadnt been sleeping. That she couldn't sleep.

[Deleted]

Matt looked at her. He knew why she was stuttering. Or rather, he thought he did. Shaking his head, he ran up to the ball and kicked it into the street. He sighed and looked at her. "Never wanted it to scare you. Just wanted to protect Hannah. Just saying" he shrugged. He was a criminal. He needed to accept that. He should have never tried to kill Jack.

He needed alcohol. He needed...something. "sorry" he muttered again and walked to the sidewalk. He wished he was back in that place. Back with Shanna. Back with the girl who gave him the attention he needed, without being an adult guy. Shanna made him feel more like how he wanted to feel. There was something about that girl

[Megan Julia Del Rossi]

"N-no..." Megan bt her lip and looked away. "No reason-r-reason to be sorry. This is all my fault. All my fault. Y-you never trusted him. I'm sure of that. I-I should be dead. I should be. I-I wish I was." She swallowed and carefully sat on the step, setting her crutches down. "I-I mean, maybe Jack was right." she shook her head.

No, Jack was not right. If Megan died, she would be missed. She had a family that loved her very much. Even if she wasnt so sure at times. "I-I mean, really. What's my life really worth? nothing. It's just nothing but abuse and pain. And-and I can't-I can't...I can't take it anymore."

[Deleted]

Matt shook his head. "I wish I hadn't missed," he said, looking down. "then maybe dad would have to say something. Acknowledge that I screwed up, you know?" he sighed and looked at her. "if he killed you. I swear to God I'd do something....I don't even know what. But I'd make him kill me, too. Him or Jonathon"

[Megan Julia Del Rossi]

Megan bit her lip and looked anywhere but at her brother. "N-no." she whispered. "No. Don't say that. You know..." She swallowed, not sure what she really ws saying. What everything even meant. She was lost, scared...confused. She felt like a part of Jack had won. Had killed her that night. Megan felt dead on the inside.

Dead... She just did not feel like herself anymore. Jack had killed her that night. In a way. And ever since, she was wishing that she really was dead. "You know..." she repeated. "You have everything to live for. Y-you have always had the life that I-I so desperately craved. You had parents. Forever. I-I always wanted that. If you died-if you died-I think-think that they w-would miss you. Terribly. You have your whole life-whole life-ahead of you. And I-I-I have nothing."

[Deleted]

Matt shrugged. He didn't know what to say there. He wasn't like Chance. He couldn't go on a psychological babbling rant until she forgot what she had been saying like Chance did. Maybe they should call him up. Or better yet, maybe he should ship her to him. Yeah. He could get one of those cartons with holes, so she could breathe. And--

"do you guys know how late it is?" the soft voice came from behind them. Matt looked up and swallowed before shrugging. "Can't sleep"

Ben nodded and closed the door behind him. "Yeah. Me either." he looked at Matt. "you tried to k-"

"I know." Matt cut him off. He stared at the ground.

"you shouldn't have done that"

"I know, dad. I'm very aware that I shouldn't have done that" he said with a sigh.

"Good. Glad we talked that out" he said with a nod. Hey, if Marco was here, he'd talk to him. But he wasn't. So Ben had to. And hey, he did talk That was talking....wasn't it? He looked at Megan. "hey."

[Megan Julia Del Rossi]

Megan looked away when their father came out. She had not been talking much to him. Not in the least. She just couldn't. Not that it mattered. He didn't really seem to care. That's what she thogt, at least. But she did not say hey back. Shaking her head, she grabbed her crutches and slowly got to her feet.

"So, that's it? That's al you gotta say? Nothing else?!" Megan couldn't stop her eyes from rolling. "That's pathetic. He could have gotten someone hurt. He could have gotten himself hurt. Jack-he c-" she shook her head. "This is stupid. Thisis all very stpid." she hissed in a low tone. "How pathetic do you guys ave to be?" She bit her lip and made her way done te porch. She did not know what to o. She never knew what to do anymore.

[Deleted]

Ben was quiet. He looked up at the sky, semi listening to what she had to say. "Matt. Go wake up Hayleigh. We're gonna try something" he told him. Looking at his daughter, he smiled. "make your way to the car"nd

Matt blinked. "um....ok" he slowly stood up and went in the house "Hayleigh?" he whispered outside her door

[Megan Julia Del Rossi]

"And what makes you think I would want to leave the house? At this time of night? At all, really?" Megan retorted, shaking her head. "Fine. Whatever. Like anyone would care." She turned away from her dad and slowly made her way to the car, climbing in.

Hayleigh was not a heavy sleepy at all. So when she heard Matt's voice off in the distance, she stirred and sat up. Rubbing her eyes, she got up and opened her bedroom door. "Mm?"

[Deleted]

"dad's lost his mind and Megan's went with it. Come on. We're going somewhere" he said with a shrug. He had no idea where they were going.

Ben grinned "cause you like our middle of the night outings. Only this one won't involve eggs"

[Megan Julia Del Rossi]

Hayleigh looked at her brother, confused. "Are you serious? It's the middle of the night." She shook her head. "Fine. I'll be down in a minute." She then closed her door and quickly got dressed before heading downstairs and walking outside.

Megan only shrugged. "Yeah. Sure." she whispered, looking in th other direction. She just remained quiet as she sat up in the front seat.