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Post by Jessa JoAnna Del Rossi on May 11, 2011 8:15:31 GMT -8
For the past year, Jessa has not been herself. She was just good at hiding it. Hiding the pain, the hurt, the anger. So it was hard to really notice that something was seriously wrong. That she was not acting like herself. Jessa...a young girl who had been sweet and kind and caring. But now, she was mean, harsh, constantly getting into trouble. Bullying others younger than herself, weaker than herself. Honestly, Jess was surprised that she hadn't been suspended yet. Maybe it was because she was Marco's daughter and Marco had been best friends with the principal. Maybe it was another reason altogether. She had no idea.
All she was for sure of was that she had to, needed to, get into trouble. Because if her dad was mad at her, and still kept her, then maybe she could feel loved. She could feel it. She could stop feeling so empty inside. Just maybe.
So that Monday, even though she wore her pajamas to school, after lunch, Jessa had changed into something that so was not her. She wore black leather pants, her red halter top, and black pumps. Along with putting on red lipstick and black eyeshadow. That should show people that she was not one to be messed with. She felt bad. She looked bad. And Jess liked that feeling.
It was right before her last class, and Jessa ran into some younger girl. “Bitch...watch were ya going, would ya? What are you, blind?” she scoffed.
February looked up at Jessa. “Look, I'm so sorry but--”
Jessa cut her off, however. “Oh, you're sorry? Liar!” she hissed, shoving her into the wall. “Don't fucking speak to me unless I tell you to. Got it?”
“But--”
Jessa narrowed her eyes, before slapping her. “I said shut up!”
And neither girl had know idea that Mrs. Stone was right there, watching the whole scene. “Jessa Del Rossi! In my office! Now!”
Jessa rolled her eyes, shoved the girl once more, and pushed passed Darcy, muttering “whatever.” as she walked into her office, taking a seat.
Darcy followed the child and sat down at her desk. “I could suspend you, Jessa. You know that. I've given you plenty of chances. But you are just pushing my buttons here. But instead, I think you will be volunteering in the program we are having this summer. You will have the honor of being a big sister to summer.”
She scoffed. “That is so lame. And pathetic.”
“Maybe. But you will be doing it. And I'm sure your father will make sure of it.” She then picked up the phone and called Marco, explaining everything to him. Even her punishment. And then after a few minutes, she hung up. Your father is own his way to get you. You may wait in the main office. You are excused now.”
Jessa scoffed and left Darcy's office, sitting down in a chair right outside.
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Post by Marco Del Rossi on May 11, 2011 17:24:55 GMT -8
Marco expected the occasional acting up from all of his kids, because, kids made mistakes—people made mistakes. God knows he could be chock full of them sometimes. And after all that had happened over the last couple of months, he should have been surprised that he wasn't hearing more things from teachers or the principal. It wasn't to say that he wanted to. The last thing he wanted was for his kids to get into a world of trouble. They weren't bad kids. Everyone hit their rough points and everyone had their troubles. Not to mention, adopting kids meant that there was still another history there where they had no control over. A history that had to be taken into account for the kids that remembered it or for the parents that didn't know how to let go. Marco never expected a family to be easy and he wouldn't give it up for anything. He loved every one of them, no matter what scheme they pulled or what was going on. And he didn't think any of them were bad or inherently so. They were just kids and things were bound to happen. He wished that he could magically make everything perfect, but he couldn't. And he feared that nothing was the way that he wanted it to be lately. The family wasn't together and he didn't really get a chance to see most of his kids. Everything was hectic and split and he tried to pay attention, but sometimes, things went by a little unnoticed. Jessa hadn't though. He just didn't think things would get this bad and when he got the call from Darcy, he dropped everything and went to the school.
"Hey, kid," Marco greeted, though it was obvious that he wasn't too happy. He wasn't angry; in fact, he was more concerned. She never treated people like that. And now it seemed like she'd turned into other kids' worst nightmare. He took note of her clothes, but on a regular basis wouldn't have minded if it wasn't accompanied with a new attitude. He had no problem with an alternative style. With clothes and style he was open to just about anything that they could throw his way. But, he didn't like the attitude and getting into fights or hurting other kids wasn't acceptable. It was never going to be. His arms were folded, but not really in an intimidating manner. "I hope you know we're about to have one long talk." He told her in warning before he gestured with his head for her to stand up. "Come on, up with you, Jessa. You got everything?" He asked her, in case she needed to take any stops by her locker. He was already working up ways to approach this. Marco had always been good at talking to people and he'd even studied to be a social worker in college and had even been one for a few years, before the fashion thing happened. But, that was a long, crazy story that he didn't expect to work out. Sometimes he missed it, because it wasn't really the fashion aspect that Marco liked about his normal job, he just happened to be very good in business.
Still, this was his daughter and if anyone could talk to her, it had to be him. What type of parent was he if he couldn't have this conversation. Oh, she was in trouble, but he wanted to get to the source of the problem. Because, if that wasn't addressed than nothing would ever get better. It would just be progressively worse. Punishment didn't work that way. You couldn't punish and punish and hope someone learned. That just helped people distrust and feel hated. He didn't want that. He wanted to help, and he didn't think pure discipline did that.
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Post by Jessa JoAnna Del Rossi on May 11, 2011 20:21:25 GMT -8
Jess knew that she would be in so much trouble. But wasn't that what she wanted? Didn't she want them to notice her? Wasn't it what she needed, what she craved for? It meant everything to her and nobody had any idea what was going on inside of her mind. Nobody even realized just how unimportant she really felt. She couldn't help it. Her self esteem was really low now.
Hearing her father's voice, she looked up. But instead of giving a sorry look for what she did, she just smirked. "Yo. 'Sup?" She acted as though this were any other day. But this was not any other day. This was far from it. Jessa scoffed. "Oh, right. Talk. You can talk. Don't guarentee I'll listen." she retorted, getting to her feet. Okay, bullying was thing. But talking like this, to her father? She had never done that before. She sighed and nodded. Without saying another word, she headed out of the office.
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Post by Marco Del Rossi on May 27, 2011 0:32:55 GMT -8
Marco furrowed his brow at her greeting and gestured for her to follow. "Hey," he said, sharply, "watch it." He warned. There was still a gentleness to his voice, but he kept firm, to let her know he wasn't playing around and he wasn't going to accept that attitude from her. She would listen to him. He wasn't going to have anything but that. He waited, however, until they were out of the school, before he said anything. "Now that we're out here," he began, as he started for his car. "You wanna tell me what makes you think you can treat other people like that?" He asked, knowing it was nothing he ever taught her was right. If anything, he tried to ingrain the exact opposite. He wanted his kids to treat people like they wanted to be treated; at least with some common courtesy and kindness. There were a lot of different people out there and none of them deserved bullying.
"That's not the Jessa I know." He added. And it wasn't. He never heard of her acting out that way before. And while he noticed differences in her, he tried not to crowd her too much. But since it apparently got worse and she was really acting out, he needed to take care of it. And not only to keep her out of trouble, but to help her. Because, in his eyes, it could have very well been a cry for help. And he wasn't going to ignore it. He couldn't.
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Post by Jessa JoAnna Del Rossi on May 27, 2011 0:47:36 GMT -8
What was Jessa suppose to say? What? She had no idea what to do, what to say. She did not want anyone to worry about her. Hell, her parents had worse problems, didn't they? The truth? Jessa felt completely abandoned. But she was afraid to say that out loud. If she did...well, then it would make it all true. It would mean her birth parents never at all wanted her. And it would mean that Ben really did abandon her. And that was something she just could not deal with. She did not want to deal. And so she took out her anger on everyone else. Her favorite targets...being both Carla and February.
Jessa folded her arms and walked to the passenger door, rolling her eyes. he smirked. "You wanna know why, dad? You really wanna know?" she paused and looked to him. "Because it's fun. Because then I'm in charge. Because unlike like others, I am stronger and they can't hurt me." Yeah, that was it. Because unlike her parents...they cannot hurt her.
Opening the door, Jessa sat down and put her seat belt on. "Okay...No offense, but you don't know me. You haven't. Not you. not dad. And that's fine. Just fine. I can take being ignored."
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Post by Marco Del Rossi on May 27, 2011 1:04:23 GMT -8
"You're not stronger, Jessa," he corrected. That wasn't a good enough reason to do anything. "You're a bully when you do that. And bullies, they're not tough." And hurting someone at all was damaging, especially when it was for no reason. Marco knew exactly what it was like to have someone want to insult or hurt him for no reason at all. When he was a teenager, while he had plenty of friends, wound up pretty popular, there were people that didn't like him. He was the gay kid, that was practically asking for insults and bullying now and then. He learned how to deal with it, to ignore it and brush it off, however. Even now, there were enough bigots in the world to drive him up the wall. But, being mean to someone was never the answer. Marco understood that people usually acted out because something happened to them, because it made them feel better about their insecurities. So, something was definitely very very wrong.
Marco climbed into the car, put his seatbelt on and continued to listen to her. He didn't say anything until he had the car started and was pulling out of the parking lot. "I don't?" He asked, shaking his head. "Jessa, you have never been ignored. Not by me. I know you better than you think. And if you think I'd ignore you, then you're really mistaken." He didn't ignore his kids. And while he didn't have a choice when it came to half of them, because they didn't live with him. The two that did, he paid attention to.
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Post by Jessa JoAnna Del Rossi on May 27, 2011 1:16:50 GMT -8
Jessa bit down on her lower lip and looked down at the ground. She wasn't sure what to say. She wasn't sure how she could ever tell him the truth. That she was in pain. Her birth parents...they had abandoned her. And now Ben. She really did believe that Ben had loved her. Maybe she was terribly mistaken though. Even if she spoke the truth, it would not matter. The results would still be the same.
With a sigh, Jessa looked out the window. "I am stronger, daddy. I am. They cant hurt me. Not like my family." she spoke, softly. "No one would understand though. No one can know. I can't tell you." she whispered. How could she admit to searching for her birth parents and learning the truth? It wasn't that easy.
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Post by Marco Del Rossi on Sept 18, 2011 19:18:58 GMT -8
"Hurting someone else doesn't make you stronger, Jessa." He repeated and he didn't think for a moment that he was wrong. Usually, when someone hurt another person, it was because of a weakness in themselves. It was an insecurity. But, he never thought his daughter as weak. He thought contrary to that and he believed in the best of all of his kids. But, he wasn't going to stand for bullying. Bullying could destroy someone's life so easily. It was wrong, cruel and it needed to be stopped before it got too far. He didn't think she was really a bad kid and he didn't think that she really wanted to hurt people... She seemed to be crying out for something, attention, maybe. And she got it and Marco wasn't going to blow it off.
"Jessa?" He listened to her, his brow furrowing with momentary confusion. "You can tell me anything. Anything at all." And he would never judge her and if it was such a hard confession, he couldn't be angry. She was his daughter, he loved her, and nothing she could tell him would ever change that.
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Post by Jessa JoAnna Del Rossi on Feb 15, 2012 6:24:55 GMT -8
Jessa shook her head. "You wouldn't understand. How could you, daddy? I bet your family loved you. I bet Auntie Lizzie loved you to." The girl loved her aunt as well. Even if she hardly ever got to see the woman. Tht just did not matter to Jessa. How can she tell him the truth? Besides, if her parents loved her so much like she had once believed them to, wouldn't it hurt them terribly to know of her finding out where her birth parents lived a?
"You don't know what it's like to know your not perfect, and to know that your own parents hated you for it." Jessa looked out of the passenger window, watching the scenery pass before her eyes. "It's hard to know that your parents, your very own flesh and blood, gave you up because of something that you could not control. And it's not far. They messed up my life." She shook her head. "I--I mean--" Jessa sighed and looked dow at her hands in her lap. "I'm just a mistake."
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Post by Marco Del Rossi on Mar 27, 2012 10:17:29 GMT -8
As Marco listened to her, he didn't pretend that he knew what was going on with her, because he couldn't know the specifics of how she felt right now. He hadn't grown up with that type of affliction and his birth parents had stayed in the picture throughout his life. Of course, there had been times he questioned how much his dad cared about him, because his dad had homophobic tendencies and coming out had been hard for Marco. But, it was different, because at the end of the day, his family had accepted him. "They did. Sometimes, I doubted it. When I was your age, I was sure my dad would hate me for who I was. And I was sure he did hate a part of me for a long time." He admitted and then shook his head.
"Jessa." Having to deal with the drama of birth parents was something that Marco was used to having to come up at some point or another. Naturally, kids would be curious about their biological parents. He expected it to happen and didn't take any offence to it; not in the least bit. He didn't think that they were going to somehow consider him to be less of their dad, just because he wasn't their blood. Because, they might as well have been blood to him. There was no difference between the love he had for his kids and the love that someone who biologically had kids of their own would have. "Blood doesn't have to mean family. Those people-- Your parents-- They might have given you up, but that doesn't reflect you, it reflects them." He said, and it was always tough to talk about. At calling herself a mistake, however, he turned off the road and pulled over, so that he could focus on her more than the cars in front of him and looked over at her. "No, don't you say that. Even if anyone out there thought so, look at how your life turned out. Look where you are now. You have two parents that love you completely. If someone wants to call you a mistake then they're not worth your time. Because you, and your brothers and sisters, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. And that's not a mistake." He couldn't speak for what happened with her biological family, but somehow, she managed to make it to their home and she was important to them.
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Post by Jessa JoAnna Del Rossi on Apr 3, 2012 12:21:08 GMT -8
One would think that if your parents gave birth to you, then of course they had to love you. It's one thing to give up your own child because you loved them. Like if they were 14 and got knocked up and knew that they could never give you the life that you so much deserved. That was different. That was understandable. At least they still loved you. Even if they did give you up. Jessa always thought that maybe they did love her. She imagined meeting them a thousand times over. That maybe her parents always loved her. Maybe it was very hard to give their very own daughter up for adoption. But maybe they had just done it for the child's own good. But no. Her dreams were dashed when she had gone and found them. Now Jessa knew the truth. The very truth that would haunt her everyday for the rest of her life. She didn't understand the concept of a mother and a father never having loved their own child. She didn't understand. She would never understand. It made no sense. How could any mother, any father, not even remotely care for a child. A child whom they have brought into this world? How?
Jessa listened to her dad, looking out of the car window. “Of course you don't think so. You always loved me. Even before I came into your home probably.” Jessa swallowed, looking down at her hands in her lap. “But you could never truly understand how I feel. I mean, how could you? At least your family did love you. I'm only fifteen. I don't understand how my own parents, the same ones who had brought me into this world, had never loved me. It doesn't make sense, daddy.”
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Post by Marco Del Rossi on Apr 8, 2012 23:09:37 GMT -8
Blood had nothing to do with love. Sure, the idea was that when someone had a kid of their own, usually love came with it. There was something instinctual about caring for your own biological child, he supposed. But, that didn't mean it always happened that way. Marco saw how the system worked and how many kids were pulled from families where the parents couldn't have cared less about the kids they brought into the world. Just because someone had a kid didn't mean they loved it. And sure, he saw parents that gave kids up out of love and that made mistakes and lost them. When he adopted Aidan as a baby, he had been one of those kids. Straight out of a meth house with an addict mother, but he'd met the woman and she had loved her baby and although she didn't have a choice but to lose him, she understood and wanted it. But, some people they didn't care. And Marco understood it without having to experience it. He was lucky enough to have a family that he was born into that cared about him. Not everyone was that lucky.
"And so does yours, Jessa. Your family loves you. Not the people who had you. Your family. There's a difference between blood and family. Sometimes people are lucky and it works out to be both. Other times, your family, the people who love and take care of you aren't blood at all. Those people that brought you into this world, they were selfish. They were invested in themselves, not you." He said softly, trying to reason with her, knowing that it was hard when she was upset, but he had to give it a shot anyway. "They might not have cared, but that's not because of you. You didn't do anything wrong and obviously you're not unloveable. There's a difference between the people who brought you into this world and your parents."
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Post by Jessa JoAnna Del Rossi on Mar 11, 2013 16:15:50 GMT -8
Deep down, Jessa knew that what her dad was telling her right now was the truth. She had known that all along. She just could not get it into her head was all. Well, after all, the girl was stubborn. Sometimes, that was not such a bad thing. But other times? Being stubborn was not good at all. Could he ever really understand how she was feeling? Could anyone? Her parents did not love her, did not want her. And why? Because of something beyond the teens control. Because she was not perfect. Now she wished she had never gone looking for them. Because then she could have still held on to her fairy tale life. But that was gone. And she was left with a hole in her heart.
Letting out a sigh, Jessa looked up at her father. “I want to believe that. I really do. And I know that you and daddy and my brothers and sisters love me. But it does not fill the hole in my heart.” She replied, softly, pointing to where her heart would be at. “I know that I am very lucky. Some people have no one and I do. But I can’t just stop feeling this way, can I daddy? I just don’t know what to do with dealing with all of this.”
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